I Recommend Myself

An anonymous LROD reader writes: Hi there. This is one of the nicest rejections I've received. Its still a rejection, no matter how nice, but it sure helps when the agent is polite about it. Here's the letter: "Dear Writer: Thank you for sharing your work with me. You write well, with many lovely details--but I'm afraid that this is not quite the right "feel" for me. That said, I hope you will continue writing and sending out your work. If you haven't done so already, you may wish to check out The Jeff Herman Guide--there, you should be able to find someone who is a better fit for your work. Very best of luck to you, with this and future projects. All best wishes, Agent"
It begs the question: Was the rejecting agent Jeff Herman himself?  Just wondering.

Check This Out

Slushpile Hell: A Grumpy Literary Agent Wades Through Query Fails

Read It A Hundred Times? Make it 101.

Dear Author,
    Thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to read your submission. I appreciate you considering me for representation of your project.
    Unfortunately, after careful review, I have decided that I might not be the right agent for your work. This industry is incredibly subjective, and there are many agencies out there with many different tastes. It is for this reason that I strongly encourage you to keep submitting elsewhere, in the hopes of finding an agent who will be an enthusiastic champion for you and your work.
    I apologize for the form letter reply, but the volume of submissions I receive has finally made it impossible for me to personalize responses as I have for many years. I hope you will understand and forgive me this necessary efficiency. In addition, I do not feel it is appropriate for me to provide detailed editorial feedback on projects I have decided not to represent.
    I wish you all the very best of luck and success with your writing. 
    Sincerely, Laura Bradford
    Bradford Literary Agency

(D- for originality)

How Great Thou Art

Blogs are weird, literary blogs are weirder, but blogging agents (blagents) are the weirdest. I only ever knew agents who went to great lengths to hide themselves, including coming up with fictional signatures for slush rejections (usually names of movie stars), so that when mail arrived for, say "Vivian Vance,"  they knew how seriously to take it (not very). The agents I knew never wanted desperate writers getting close because basically desperate writers are smelly. The agents I knew already had to suffer thousands of stories from strangers and casual acquaintances about someone's aunt's new boyfriend who was a writer, or someone's best friend's best friend who wrote a novel (always awful in the end). It's why I liked Miss Snark; she was anonymous and saucy, admired for her spunk. But have you ever read the comments on the blogs of Nathan Bransford, Janet Reid, Rachel Gardner, etc.? Those blagents get a whole lot of smoke blown where the sun don't shine. In my day, agents would put smoke (and mirrors) to other uses. I guess it's nice that privacy (some would call it trickery) is a thing of the past. It's nice that agents stand with us in the light of day now...some of them anyway. And maybe it's good that blagents make themselves virtually available for attention, especially since some would say their place and function in the profession is shrinking. But, I don't know, something about all those poor writers and would-be authors standing around in the crowded comments section vying to get a piece of the blagentry with false flattery makes me sad.

UPDATE: There's a lot of ridiculous April Fool's Day activity in the blagentry....check it out.

Why Do You Never Show Gratitude Upon Rejection?

In case you find yourself keeping track of your own personal rejection, perhaps it is comforting to know that some (bl)agents also keep a tally.  The categories crack me up (i.e., rejections earning advice, queries in first person, Thank-you notes in response to rejection, which creates a storm in the comments section). The upshot over at BookEnds is as follows:

Total Number of Queries: 40

Fiction: 26

Nonfiction: 14

Total Number I Rejected: 40

Um...that's 40 out of 40, no? So, why not just say, "I REJECTED THEM ALL"? Just wondering.

A Nice [B][L]inkage

Here's what I love about the agent/writer Betsey Lerner: She links her excellent blog to LROD; I'm sure she's the only industry person who has done so.  Right on, sister! Way to have a sense of humor! You know I am not a fan of blagent sycophants, and wouldn't want to become one myself, but definitely read Lerner's awesome last post of 2009. (Why can't she be my agent? Just wondering.)

As Long As You Had Fun, We Forgive Your Sarcasm

Over at the BookEnds, blagent Jessica  writes a rant about some poor rejected writer who allegedly sent an angry email to 400 publishing professionals, his/her rejecters! Now that takes cajones. I would like to know (a) who wrote that email (come foreward; this is your home), and (b) who were the 400 publishing professional recipients (someone: leak us the note at writerrejected at aol dot com; we won't tell anyone from whence it came.).  What fun!

Your Rejection Made Me Snap

Over at BookEnds, Blagent Jessica is pondering why some rejected writers respond in anger to her rejections.  This site really cracks me up.  I love the characterization of writers as either newbies or frustrated/end-of-rope authors, or arrogant writers. I particularly like the idea that the sharing of angry reactions to rejection letters might "add an astonished smile to my day."

Let Them Eat Cake Rejections

Blagent Janet Reid posted this photo a few months ago.  If all my rejections came as cake, I'd sure be fat.  If you follow the link (cakewreck), you find out it's not really a literary rejection at all, but a resignation.  (Agents are always getting my hopes up with misleading information.) To read the actually letter, go here.

Nathan Bransford and the Burning Bush

Just what you needed on a Monday: "10 Commandments for the Happy Writer." By a blogging Literary Agent (blagent). Who does this good looking, successful, optimistic guy think he is? A young Moses? If so, that makes us an unruly nation of slaves set free from Egypt by God who sent down all those plagues. Ten of them, including lice, swarming frogs, and boils. Which is really kind of awesome.

Mouthy Rejection Talk Back

Here's a little crazy for your Monday morning.   Don't know where to start: With the author (deemed a troll) who wrote back to his rejector, who is the blogging agent (blagent) Jessica Faust at BookEnds.  Or with the agent who then responded!  Oy.  Check out the comments section egging the agent on.

Rejection Scuttlebutt

• The Art of the Grand Gesture offers some musings on recent blagenting factors and other musings, including a post about the speed of rejection in the modern age.
• Nova at Distraction No 99 sends out a cry for help after having lost her hard drive. Maybe you know what she should do about her submissions.
• Agent stats here (in case you care).
• Elissa at Notes From A Knew It All gets jazzed about a rejection because it's not a form letter.
• Mommy rejection blues here.
• Some good luck for the housewife here.

"Undefinable X Factor"

Hunkish blogging agent (Blagent) Nathan Bransford attempts to explain why you aren't getting published here.  It's anybody's guess what the hell he's talking about.  Here's a highlight:

"A week and a half ago I posted the query points system, in which one needs to score 10 points out of a 30 points system (Professionalism/Book Idea/Credentials) in order to get a manuscript requested. But what Conduit pointed out in the comments section is that the whole "resonance with agent" factor is extremely important and that there's an undefinable X Factor at play in queries."

Huh?  Sometimes, the more they help, the more they don't.