GAK 2010 Winner--Bill Shapiro

The mice have spoken, people, and I am pleased to announce that the winner of the 2010 GAK Award, The Golden Apple of Kindness, goes to Bill Shapiro, author of Other People's Rejection Letters.  And this prize has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with the fact that Bill has invited yours truly to his fantastic and glamorous (I hope) book party in New York City. Thank you for participating and sending in such amusing comments as:

1. A book of rejections?  That's right up this blog's alley
2. Sha*PIE*ro...even though he says his name funny
3. I vote bill
4. Let's kiss Betsy Lerner's ass (minority opinion)

Runners up for the GAK 2010?  Jacob Appel and Betsy Lerner, whose prize is to have their names prestigiously listed on this prestigious blog for inclusion on the old resume. They can also console each other by forming an agent/author relationship, selling Jacob's book, and getting it nominated for a Pulitzer. (Really, is that too much to ask?) Congratulations to everyone involved! Please feel free to stop by with congratulations, acceptance speeches, protests, accusations, what have you.

Remember this: At LROD every loser is a winner.

A Fish Swims in...Ireland

Jacob Appel strikes again...this time in Europe. (He's tres cosmopolitan, isn't he? Man, I love that guy in an unnatural way.) So, anyway, listen, it's about time to award a new GAK to someone both kind and heroic. I have listed the following nominees with some thoughts about each, but I'm going to let you have your say.

And the nominees are....

• Jacob Appel (the guy who wins when you lose): I know, I know; he already won a GAK, but he just keeps impressing the hell out of me with his kind and humble emails and his incredible literary drive. Also, I think it would be funny to have him win two in a row.
• Betsy Lerner (agent/writer): I know, I know; she's an agent, and therefore a controversial choice, but she is considering our number one nominee for representation, which is more than most agents reading this blog would do. Also, she's a writer; that has to be worth something. After reading her blog, you may think "kindness" is a stretch. But she's vaguely amusing for an agent, no?
• Bill Shapiro (writer/editor/sympathetic dude): I know, I know; you think he wrote the book I should have written, but I have no interest in all that; I'm strictly literary (kiss of death). Bill has done a fine and respectful job promoting our cause; plus he's a super nice guy.

If you'd like to have a write-in ballot, feel free to nominate your own candidate, or yourself, but make sure to say why you deserve a GAK. Otherwise, cast your vote in the comments section, and make a plea for the candidate of your choice, if you are so inclined. I'll make a final decision sometime next week, and we'll all get our tuxes out for the award ceremony.

UPDATE: I had a brief email exchange with Appel who (get this) casts his vote for Bill Shapiro because, he writes, "his book is brilliant and, from everything I've heard of him, he's an extremely classy human being."  Take note all you cynics: his vote is not for himself or for the agent who may still take him on as a client. (He will let us know when that deed is done, he promises.) If that's not integrity, I don't know what is.

My Almost-Brush (Anonymously) With A Friend of Ours

Here's something funny:  I was asked to participate in a reading recently, and who was on the reading roster? None other than the famous GAK-award winner and LROD gentleman, Jacob M. Appel.  Unfortch, I can't make the reading due to funky timing, but isn't that a hoot?  Can you imagine my standing near him, reading my story after he read his story? He wouldn't even know that I am who I am!  Well, maybe next time, Mr. A.

Ongoing Wiki Saga

Well, the good news is that, after several attempts by fans, followed by several failures to stick, it looks like LROD is finally on Wikipedia to stay.

The bad news is that the description fails to mention how hospitable we ultimately were: (1) we promoted, read, and discussed Darin Strauss' novel and that he did point out in the Village Voice that we were on friendly terms (though the journalist chose not to include that fact); (2) we welcomed and featured Scott Snyder's new short story collection; and (3) we had a fruitful series of discussions with Ted Genoways after VQR readers' comments were made public and Genoways apologized (sort of).

Oh well.  it doesn't matter if we're misunderstood; we still know who we are; right, mice?  At least they mentioned the GAK awards.

Jacob Appel Awarded a GAK!

Not just because he's won yet another friggin' contest, but because I LOVE this man in both homo and hetero ways (I am third gendered, after all), I hereby award Jacob M. Appel (dude of many degrees) with the second annual Golden Apple of Kindness (GAK!) Award.  You will see I added his award to the right side of my blog under the first and most distinguished awardee, Rosemary Ahern.  (I may or may not refrain from writing a series of romantic literary posts about him as I did about her....we'll see.)

Anyway, congratulations Jacob.  Despite the fact that you win every contest I lose, you are a good guy!  A decent human being!  And an inspiration!  Congratulations!

p.s. As soon as my novel is published, I'll reveal my true identity, and we'll have lunch.  Anyone who can get to NYC is invited to come along.  We'll make it a media event to get the publicity we all deserve.

Jacob Appel Tells Kelly (not Elliot) Spitzer A Thing or Two About LROD

Kelly Spitzer (pictured left) tries to stir things up for LROD again, this time with LROD's patron saint Jacob Appel over in the  "Writers in Profile" section of her blog, which you should check out.  (BTW, LROD's other patron saint is Rosemary Ahern, leading me to the obvious conclusion that someone else we know and love probably deserves a GAK award).  In his way, Mr. A is totally unflappable.

Here's what he tells Spitzer:

"I was both flattered and highly surprised when I was first contacted by Literary Rejections on Display. The truth is that there are a number of other writers who have won as many, if not far more, contests than I have. I suppose the anonymous curator of Literary Rejections on Display is particularly attuned to spotting my by-line….sort of how, if you learn an obscure foreign language, you suddenly discover that many other people also speak it. (I studied Dutch for many years and it shocked me that “everybody” seemed to speak Dutch, while the reality was that I was hyper-sensitive to noticing those few who did.) I do think that Literary Rejections on Display is a delightful, entertaining and witty website. I am looking forward to the day when Writer, Rejected sheds his or her anonymity so that I can invite this genius to lunch. However, I confess I haven’t spent much time reading the comments on the site. I’ve come to understand that some are less flattering than others….but I try not to take that to heart. I recognize that there are people out there who don’t care for my writing. I assure them that I’m still learning and improving–and I do hope that someday I’ll write something that suits their standards and tastes. I am also hopeful that there will someday be a parallel blog named Literary Acceptances on Display, and that I’ll be mentioned there as well."

Literary Rejection is Hot on the Interwebs

Seems like there's a proligeration of rejection lately. That, and I like using the word "interwebs."  Here are some interesting reveries for you to check out:

• Indie writer Zoe Winters thinks it's best to adapt to the changing atmosphere.  (Writers are a bit like cockroaches, so it's easy to agree.) She offers a nice list of links at the bottom of her post about whether or not we have reached the end of traditional book publishing.
• Some practical submission guidelines at Thoughts from Botswana offer an interesting perspective on rejection, including an inspirational quote by Wendell Meyers:  "You're only willing to succeed to the same extent you are willing to fail." (I'm willing to succeed big, then.)
• Sally Ahearn (not to be confused with GAK winner and contested publishing muse  Rosemary Ahern) offers some advice, including information on the website Duotrope.
• Some understandable writerly frustration at Blogfranz.
• Advice for the rejection weary at Dark Knight Dramaturgy includes, "know thyself," and "it's not a race, it's a StairMaster."

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme

A reader left the following unthinkable comment in response to a Rosemary Ahern post recently. As most of you know Rosemary Ahern is the nicest, kindest rejecter on the east coast, an editor at The Other Press (formerly at Washington Square Press). She is the winner of the GAK! award, a coveted golden apple for exemplary rejecting. And she is my future editorial companion and savior. And yet here is the comment:

Anonymous said...
"i used to work for her. she's horrid and deserves no more of your time. no more ink for her!"
November 5, 2007 2:36 PM

I am begging anyone who has information to the contrary to please write in and dispel this terrible rumor, so that I may maintain my belief in God and Publishing and Rosemary, all items on the list being equal.

Hello, Kitty!

How I wish Rosemary Ahern would post a GAK! acceptance on this blog. (Or perhaps a little hello.) Sometimes a writer just needs a teensy dose of editorial kindness.

Should Junker Get a GAK?

Debbie Yee pits Zyzzyva editor Howard Junker against Three Penny Review editor Wendy Lesser in a funny blog entry re:rejections. Check it out. She also left a comment linking to the above rejection letter by Howard Junker. (Thank you, Debbie.)

So? Should Howard get a GAK? Or is he trying a wee bit too hard? (Click the letter for a version that's easier to read.) I'm taking votes for the next week or so and will announce results whenever I feel like it. Like, maybe in 2-4 months. On a tiny cream-colored slip of paper. With Debbie Yee's heartfelt regrets.

Zyzzyva BlogRoll Request

Since no one among publishing's ruling class has ever willingly approached Writer, Rejected for any reason-- good, bad, or ugly--you can imagine my surprise at receiving an e today from Zyzzyva editor Howard Junker, who claims that writers tend to like his rejections. He wonders why he is not listed on my blogroll, which as you know is entitled Nonrejecting Blogs. The answer is of course that I cannot in good conscience include anyone in a rejecting position of power, not even the kindest of editorial princes. It wouldn't be right.

But there is an interesting page on Zyzzyva's Blog entitled Zyzzyva: the last word, Rejection. You should check it out. Also, if anyone has a Zyzzyva rejection on file, please send it in, and we'll judge for ourselves. Or perhaps someone out there would like to nominate said editor for a GAK! Award and give Rosemary Ahern a run for her money.

(NB: You have to live on the West Coast to publish in Zyzzyva.)

Rosemary Ahern Wins A GAK!

You are a nice lady, Rosemary Ahern! You are a decent human being!

I do not say this because you liken my work to Flannery O'Connor's fiction, but because at any moment your letter could have gone snarky to justify your decision to pass. You could have easily turned on the writer's humble abilities to make yourself feel better about the sorry state of publishing, but you did not. Your letter said this: "As discussed, my reasons for passing have mostly to do with a fear of creating a kind of modest track record that tends to accompany a first short story collection. When it comes time to publish the brilliant first novel, those figures are lurking in booksellers' computers to frustrate the best efforts of all of us. The same old story, I'm afraid. That said, I'm deeply impressed with Writer, Rejected's range as a writer....[BLAH, BLAH, BLAH]...(I thought about Flannery O'Connor more than once while reading these stories....)"

(This leads me to worry that you may some day actually meet a true modern-day Flannery O'Connor and pass her right by, which I hope now you will not ever do, no matter what detrimental effect you think the industry might have on the good woman's career. Please, for God's sake, just publish her!)

But my point here is really just that a rejection can be a fun and flattering affair. My point is that kind-hearted rejections are all too rare. I therefore award you, Rosemary Ahern, the Golden Apple of Kindness from Writer, Rejected. (Otherwise known as GAK! ) For what it's worth. Which admittedly (since, like you, many have also chosen not to publish me) isn't much.