Douglas College Review Shall Reject You Too

I love a good form rejection letter with an exclamation point.  It is fresh and speaks of youth. At least this editor invites you to come back again with new material.  That is nice.

Remember the Days of the S.A.S.E.?

As I recall from the old days, agents and editors were always losing prepaid envelopes and refusing to send back manuscripts. That was back in the day when the U.S. Post Office ruled. (You probably wouldn't understand.) However, before my time, it appears that the editors were the offending parties.  In this 1922 rejection follow-up, the editor of Love Story Magazine is returning twenty-six cents in postage to the author, who wrote a letter of complaint. Now that is quaint.

Gone So Long

I have so many rejections to catch you up on.  During my hiatus, I received a number of them, as you might have expected, despite my claims to have quit. I acted as my own agent, sending the book out directly to editors, and got a few to actually read and respond. It was surprising.  (Do we need agents any more?) Also, I submitted the novel to a few contests and got some really crazy feedback, which I will share. Stay tuned for that. Now that my novel is actually going to be published, it's an extra pleasure to post rejections.  Like, for instance, this one, from an imprint at HarperCollins:

Writer, Rejected: I did hear back from [someone billed in an earlier email as a "star editor"] today and did my own reading as well. We both love what you are doing, but in the end, we both agree that [title of novel] isn’t the right fit for us here. Thanks so much, again, for reaching out to us, and I sincerely wish you the best with your future writing. All best, Daisy, Vice President and Publisher, Fiction

What Does Keep AGNI Fresh?

From: "AGNI" Date: September 4, 2012 Subject: Your submission to AGNI 

Dear Writer's Name: Thank you for sending "Title of Story." Your work received careful consideration here. We've decided this manuscript isn't right for us, but we wish you luck placing it elsewhere. 

Kind regards, The Editors 

P.S. Without submissions like yours, we'd lose the sense of discovery that keeps AGNI fresh. Please click here for a discounted subscription rate offered as a thank-you to our submitters: https://www.bu.edu/agni/subscribe-08sem08.html.

Sense of Discovery

Dear [Writer's Name]: Thank you for sending "Title of Story." Your work received careful consideration here. We've decided this manuscript isn't right for us, but we wish you luck placing it elsewhere. Kind regards, The Editors P.S. Without submissions like yours, we'd lose the sense of discovery that keeps AGNI fresh. Please click here for a discounted subscription rate offered as a thank-you to our submitters.

Place It Elsewhere (Not in North America), Bub

Dear Mister Writer: Thanks for sending us your submission entitled "Title." We receive a large number of submissions but can only publish one in a hundred. Since our space is limited, we must often pass on well-crafted writing. We wish you the best of luck in placing your work. The Editors North American Review

Third Coast, No Place

I think we once discussed where the Third Coast is located, didn't we?

Dear Writer:

Thank you for entering "Title" in our 2012 Fiction and Poetry Contests. We had some amazing submissions this year, but there can only be one winner in each category. This year's winners have been chosen: Jaimy Gordon has picked CJ Hauser's "Abandoned Cars" for the Jaimy Gordon Prize in Fiction, and Major Jackson has selected Maggie Millner's "Fish Story" as the winner of the Poetry Prize. Below are a list of finalists.

Thanks again for allowing us to read your work, and we hope you'll submit again next year. In the meantime, enjoy your one-year subscription to Third Coast!

All the best,
The Editors of Third Coast

2012 List of Finalists:

Fiction Finalists:

Karin C. Davidson for “Two Girls Laughing”
Dana Fitz Gale for “Cousin”
Joe Hiland for “Ronnie Cordova’s Amazing Mustache”
Sequoia Nagamatsu for “The Silence of the Third Inversion”
Steven Trumpeter for “Looper”
Maggie White for “The White Skirt: An Adventure in Nine Parts”

Poetry Finalists:

Laura Behr for “Hetaera” and “A Wilderness of Wildwoods and Roadblocks”
Jadyn DeWald for “Triptych for Morgan, Bird, and Brown”
Kate Rutledge Jaffe for “From the Soft Fingers of the Highway”
Corey Van Landingham for “Hermetic”
Maggie Millner for “Equus”
Brad Modlin for “Tonight We Remember that Some Time Ago, We Were Snatched from the
Cornfield and Crumpled on the Cement Barn Floor” and “Pine Cones and Lightning Rods”
Michael Schmeltzer for “Dear Jane”
Nancy C. Thomas for “Hearing Cicadas”
Mark Wagenaar for “Blue Arabesque” 

BLR Rejection

They're crazy there, you know:

Thank you for submitting your work to the Bellevue Literary Review. We appreciate the efforts that have gone into this piece. Unfortunately, given the volume of submissions we receive, even quality work often has to be declined. Please be assured that your piece was read thoroughly and given careful consideration by our editorial staff. We wish you luck in placing this elsewhere, and apologize for not being able to offer a personal reply. Sincerely, The Editors, Bellevue Literary Review NOTE: Please do not reply to this e-mail -- we are unable to respond personally to messages sent to this address.

Nailin' Words on a Page

Rejection received from an LROD mouse and sent to us:

Dear Contributor,

We regret to say that your recent submission doesn't meet our needs at the moment. Thank you, though, for thinking of us, and for pursuing the difficult art of putting words to paper. We hope you continue to consider us in the future. 

With best wishes, 

(sorely unsigned) 

Jonathan FreedmanKeith Taylor

It Pinches A Little

It's no fun not being advanced to the next round:

Dear [First Name]: Thank you for your interest in our Literary Awards. We are grateful for the chance to have read your submission. I am sorry to say that "Title" has not moved on to the next round. I would like to personally thank you for the opportunity to consider "Title" and for supporting our journal through your contest entry. I hope you'll enjoy your complimentary copy of The Pinch's upcoming issue. Best wishes, Kristen, The Pinch Journal.

Our Token Respect

Never pay retail, darling.

Dear Writer's Name,
     Thank you for sending "Title of Story" to Fourteen Hills: The San Francisco State Review. We have considered your submission and, unfortunately, it isn't a match for our current issue. Many authors of original and well-crafted pieces will receive this letter. Please don't let this deter you from submitting in the future, and, in the meantime, subscribing to Fourteen Hills.
     As a token of our respect for your work, we would like to offer you a reduced subscription rate of 15% off. We know this is a small condolence, but we hope you take us up on our offer.You can request the subscription at this link. Thanks again. Best of luck with your work. Sincerely, Stephanie Doeing, Fourteen Hills

Competitive and Thorough

Lest you think they at New Plains are blowing their noses on your 2,500-word story.  It makes you want to be a part of the process, doesn't it? Do they pick the story they want to publish and then arm wrestle to see what goes in the review? Well, anyhoodle, at least you have been thoroughly vetted and tossed aside. GFY.

Dear Writer: Thank you for sending your fiction for our consideration. After a competitive and thorough review process, we have decided not to use your material in our upcoming issue. We wish you the best of luck in all of your future endeavors. Sincerely, Kellea Ingram, Editor in Chief, New Plains Review

Before the Rejection Communication

Enterprising to get this out of the way, while the writer is still hopeful.  I like cake and trains.

Dear [Writer's Name]:
Caketrain has received your submission for Issue 10 (slated for publication in 2012) and will respond in the months to come; today, we write to let you know how grateful and heartened we are to be chosen as a potential home for your work. The greatest privilege of assuming our modest role in the publishing world has always been the opportunity to read the unpublished works of talents from around the world, and with that in mind, we want you to know that we are honored by your interest in our publication.
We are also writing to tell you that the just-released Caketrain Issue 09 is now available for order at http://www.caketrain.org/09. Below, we've provided a few quick reasons why we hope you'll purchase this title.
1. Your patronage helps to support and secure the longevity of Caketrain.
We at Caketrain do not solicit donations, nor is our operation financed by grants or endowments, nor are we the affiliate of any educational institution or larger arts initiative. This means that the only way we can keep the project going is to sell as many books as we can to readers and writers like you. And $9—with free shipping in the U.S.—is a steal for what we offer. Which leads us to the other point—
2. You'll get a great book in the mail.
Featuring 274 pages of fine work from over thirty contributors and bound with gorgeous cover art by illustrator Michael Paukner, Issue 09 is full of the challenging, exciting work you've come to expect from Caketrain. Contributors for this outing include Daniel Grandbois, Joe Hall, Chad Hardy, Kate Rutledge Jaffe, Michael Kimball, Alec Niedenthal, Kathryn Rantala, Joanna Ruocco and many more.
To find out more—and to read over 40 pages of samples from Issue 09—please visit http://www.caketrain.org/09, and when you're ready to place an order, you'll find a number of different options available. We like to think that this is a proposition that will benefit both of us: you'll get great new literature in the mail at a reasonable price, and you'll help Caketrain to continue, so that we can retain the privilege of reading and considering the work of writers like you
With ceaseless gratitude, we remain
Yours sincerely,
Amanda and Joseph

Someone Made a New Year's Resolution

An LROD reader wrote in and sent this rejection, which was received on January 4th, 2012. When was the story submitted? January 2nd, 2012. New Year's Resolution at ThreePenny or a new ambitious intern who is going to burn through the slush pile? You decide:

We have considered your submission carefully, and unfortunately we are not able to use it in The Threepenny Review. Please do not take this as a comment on the quality of your writing; we receive so many submissions that we are able to accept only a small fraction of them.Thank you for sending your work to us, and please accept our apologies for the automated message system. We wish we had time to reply to everyone individually. The Editors

2012 Rejections to Start the Year Off

A warm New Year's rejection for you, little anony-mouselettes:

Thank you for your submission. Having read it carefully, we don't feel it's the right fit for SUBTROPICS. Although we will not be publishing this piece, we appreciate the opportunity to read your work. Sincerely, The Editors

From an iMouse's iPhone

This one really lets you know who is rejecting you, in hierarchical order.

Get-The-Point Review

They don't fool around in the windy city:

CHICAGO REVIEW
The University of Chicago. 5801 South Kenwood Avenue. Chicago, IL 60637  

Dear Author, Thank you for submitting to Chicago Review. We're sorry to report that we are not going to publish your story.Good luck placing it elsewhere. The Editors 

(T-minus 3 and counting. It promises to blow you away.)

Put Me in The Crazy House!

Bellevue Literary Review is for medical writing...and crazy people:*

Dear Writer: Thank you for submitting your work to the Bellevue Literary Review. We appreciate the efforts that have gone into this piece. Unfortunately, given the volume of submissions we receive, even quality work often has to be declined. Please be assured that your piece was read thoroughly and given careful consideration by our editorial staff. We wish you luck in placing this elsewhere, and apologize for not being able to offer a personal reply. Sincerely, The Editors, Bellevue Literary Review (www.BLReview.org) NOTE: Please do not reply to this e-mail -- we are unable to respond personally to messages sent to this address.

*not really.

Rejections from Binghamton (Also Writers)

Dear Writer [First and Last Name]: Thank you for submitting your work to Harpur Palate. Though it does not meet our current needs, we appreciate the opportunity to consider it for publication. We wish you the best in placing it elsewhere. As writers ourselves, we know how much effort goes into each piece you send out, so we regret the use of a form rejection, but the volume of manuscripts we receive makes a personal reply impossible. Sincerely, Sara Erdmann, Harpur Palate

Go Team Fiction!

There's an advertisement in that thar rejection:

Thank you for your submission to Able Muse. We have read your story carefully and unfortunately it did not meet our present needs. The best way to find out what we publish is by reading Able Muse. The latest issue, No. 11, Summer 2011 is available in print and online at. We invite our readers to get all the details on subscription information. --For the Fiction Team at Able Muse.

Sorry for the spotty posting; a family member had emergency surgery and I've been shuffling to the hospital and back. Everything is okay, but it's been quite a season of urgent matters. Luckily, all is turning out well in the end.

p.s. Writing Update: I am, it turns out, working with Secret Agent Man on a proposal for the nonfiction book....shhh! Also, I contacted an editor who once almost bought my second short story collection (still unpublished) and she is going to have a look at my novel and give me her professional editing opinion. I am paying her for this service, so it's a hired opinion.