Relaunching The "Agent 4 Appel" Campaign!

Congratulations once again, Jacob Appel, for winning yet another prestigious  literary award! It's unbelievable that certain agents just don't see how incredible this bro is. (Anyway, we love you, man.) Seriously, isn't there an agent out there who wants in on a piece of this promising action?  Come on, this guys got PhDs and New York Times writing credits, and has won practically every single illustrious writing award there is.  Doesn't someone young, hungry agent want to contact him, sell his books, and restore our faith in the world? Think of what a great blogosphere story it will make for the media, for you, for Jacob Appel. Drop me a line, and I'll put you in touch. Please, I'm begging you.

Letter From Jacob Appel

Dear W,R:

As promised, I wanted to let you know that I have heard back from Betsy Lerner. She went above and beyond the call of duty for a complete stranger, and even sought input from other agents on my behalf, but at the end of the day, a collection of unrelated short stories by an unknown writer is just not a good risk at the moment. That being said, if I ever manage to churn out a novel or a collection of interwoven short stories, I am assured that she would take a serious look at it and would likley help me find the right representation. Ms. Lerner was extremely kind to me, and generous with her time and energy. I'd urge your readers to consider her for a future Golden Kindness Award.

In any case, I am grateful to LROD for all of its efforts on my behalf. And to you, W,R, for your advocacy. If I ever do manage to place a collection, and you reveal your secret identity, you will certainly be thanked profusely in the acknowledgements.

I'll keep you all posted....

Jacob M. Appel

GAK 2010 Winner--Bill Shapiro

The mice have spoken, people, and I am pleased to announce that the winner of the 2010 GAK Award, The Golden Apple of Kindness, goes to Bill Shapiro, author of Other People's Rejection Letters.  And this prize has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with the fact that Bill has invited yours truly to his fantastic and glamorous (I hope) book party in New York City. Thank you for participating and sending in such amusing comments as:

1. A book of rejections?  That's right up this blog's alley
2. Sha*PIE*ro...even though he says his name funny
3. I vote bill
4. Let's kiss Betsy Lerner's ass (minority opinion)

Runners up for the GAK 2010?  Jacob Appel and Betsy Lerner, whose prize is to have their names prestigiously listed on this prestigious blog for inclusion on the old resume. They can also console each other by forming an agent/author relationship, selling Jacob's book, and getting it nominated for a Pulitzer. (Really, is that too much to ask?) Congratulations to everyone involved! Please feel free to stop by with congratulations, acceptance speeches, protests, accusations, what have you.

Remember this: At LROD every loser is a winner.

A Fish Swims in...Ireland

Jacob Appel strikes again...this time in Europe. (He's tres cosmopolitan, isn't he? Man, I love that guy in an unnatural way.) So, anyway, listen, it's about time to award a new GAK to someone both kind and heroic. I have listed the following nominees with some thoughts about each, but I'm going to let you have your say.

And the nominees are....

• Jacob Appel (the guy who wins when you lose): I know, I know; he already won a GAK, but he just keeps impressing the hell out of me with his kind and humble emails and his incredible literary drive. Also, I think it would be funny to have him win two in a row.
• Betsy Lerner (agent/writer): I know, I know; she's an agent, and therefore a controversial choice, but she is considering our number one nominee for representation, which is more than most agents reading this blog would do. Also, she's a writer; that has to be worth something. After reading her blog, you may think "kindness" is a stretch. But she's vaguely amusing for an agent, no?
• Bill Shapiro (writer/editor/sympathetic dude): I know, I know; you think he wrote the book I should have written, but I have no interest in all that; I'm strictly literary (kiss of death). Bill has done a fine and respectful job promoting our cause; plus he's a super nice guy.

If you'd like to have a write-in ballot, feel free to nominate your own candidate, or yourself, but make sure to say why you deserve a GAK. Otherwise, cast your vote in the comments section, and make a plea for the candidate of your choice, if you are so inclined. I'll make a final decision sometime next week, and we'll all get our tuxes out for the award ceremony.

UPDATE: I had a brief email exchange with Appel who (get this) casts his vote for Bill Shapiro because, he writes, "his book is brilliant and, from everything I've heard of him, he's an extremely classy human being."  Take note all you cynics: his vote is not for himself or for the agent who may still take him on as a client. (He will let us know when that deed is done, he promises.) If that's not integrity, I don't know what is.

You Can't Always Get What You Give

I got a gracious note from our friend, Mr. J. Appel, who kindly promises to bequeath me his vast rejection collection some day. Betsy Lerner offered scotch; I like her style. But no gifts are necessary; there's reward enough in getting a crack at sending our guy over the wall. I also requested a report from the other side when the deed is done. Let's all say a collective prayer for Jacob Appel's short-story collection success. You got to give it away, mice, to see it come back. And if luck never goes your way, if you never get it back, at least you did a mitzvah for some good guy who deserves a publishing break as much as the next writer. Cheer him on!

We Long to Believe Again

Not only did Jacob Appel win first prize in this contest, but he was also a runner-up. How, oh how, does the man do it? And why doesn't somebody collect these award-winning gems and sell them?  How about you, Ms. Betsy Lerner?  You read this blog (or at least you list it on your awesome blog, The Forest For the Trees).  Please solicit the man and be our hero. Restore our faith in the system, in fiction, in the benevolent gods.  Even if short stories are the kiss of death, maybe Appel is the next Alice Munro, minus that more reasonable country, Canada...but still. He makes me wish I were a better (third-gendered) wo/man and that I still wrote short stories, but two collections are enough for me.  Besides, I have turned my eyes toward the lucrative goddess, nonfiction, of the creative variety.

The Betsy Lerner Not-So-Smooth Hand-Off

Here's a funny exchange. It goes like this:

• Betsy Lerner gets a copy of my query and accidentally sends a note to me that she meant to send to her colleague. "Erin: Do you have any interest in this writer? B"
• I write her back and say: Oops..I think you meant to send this to Erin.
  
• Betsy Lerner writes back to me and says: "Indeed! Oops. And I'm sorry. I'm very tired and your energy struck me as something that my colleague Erin might like--So with your permission and now knowledge--I'll forward it to her...Betsy"
  

Though "Do you have any interest" is hardly an endorsement, it could have been much worse. I guess it's kind of a passive rejection because I think BL didn't have any interest.  Oh well. 

Update:  I have recently had a much worse email accident, handled gracefully by the unintended recipient of my message, an editor of journal publishing an essay of mine.  We are all susceptible...I think BL handled it nicely.