CORONAVIRUS INTERRUPTUS--A Rejection and A Thought On Editor Ghosting

Interrupting the regularly scheduled posting for a throwback rejection. You may think I'd run out of these things, but the more books I write and try to publish, the more rejections I have. Funny how the more things change, the more  they stay the same.  This onne was funny because it came five months after submission. My text response was "Well at least she read it and bothered to respond." Secret Agent Man's text response was: "That's what I thought too." Apparently, since I've been writing new books, there's new thiing called "ghosting"  that editors do....even to well-known agents.  My goodness!

#Literary #Agent Takes on The #Rejection Letter

I came across this in my reading and thought you'd like to have a look. It's a prominent literary agent's take on having to deliver the bad, bad news to you. Here's how he sums up the relationship we at LROD bitch and moan about non-stop:

It always bears repeating: agents work for writers, not the other way around. I make my living as a percentage of an author’s living. Essentially I’m looking for a cool boss who is an extraordinary writer. So feel free to send me your manuscript. I’ll try to get to it quickly. Maybe it will be a runaway bestseller. Maybe I’ll subject you to my brutal candor, or maybe I’ll ghost you. And if it doesn’t work out, please know that I wish you the best of luck connecting with a good agent who isn’t such an asshole.

Refreshing, right? Honest too. He's no asshole, BTW; dude is my agent.

Count Down Day 23: Literary Agencies I Have Known and Cursed

I always thought I'd find a literary agent who would be my bestie forever and ever, but, alas, it didn't work out that way. In fact, I've had a series of ephemeral literary representatives who either I fired, or who left the business for a pregnancy, a retirement, a job in another field, a jazz career, or a prompt dismissal because she really hadn't agreed to be my agent in any official way, anyway. The latter is always the most heartbreaking: you work and work on the edits the agent offers and when you can't get it just so, they drop you like a hot potato. "Sorry, I just don't know how to go any further with this," or some such. The kiss off. But, what can you do? Most of these associations were tenuous at best. None of the agents were my BFF, and none of them will probably be that to me. I do still have Secret Agent Man still on my side for the non-fiction book I am writing, but that, too, is taking a long, long time, and who knows how patient he will be with me. Very, I hope.

From Horrible to Hopeful

I have been in ye old hospital with a family member all week via ye old emergency room. But since I've been away from LROD all week, a few interesting items have popped up. First: my agent doesn't like my novel.  (Horrible, I know.) Nothing to say.  I love him and I appreciate his honesty.  I also love my novel.  So where does that put me? Second: I am really hoping he likes the new book proposal and chapters of my nonfiction book. (Hopeful.) I will keep you ever posted.

A Rarity for Writer, Rejected

Here's something unusual. I have just finished the new proposal for my nonfiction book (with three sample chapters). Also I have recently finished a revised version (with a new point of view) of my novel.  That's two projects nearly ready to go out in the world.  Twins!  I have given birth to twins, and it was a long, long labor. Right now, I have some people reading both manuscripts, and then I'm going to send them (bombard?) Secret Agent Man with them.  It's August, a good time for him to read pages upon pages. Maybe this fall things will be different for old Writer, Rejected. Wouldn't that be nice? Well, anyway, a third-gendered person can dream, can't sh/h/ze?

Happy Anniversary LROD

Two days ago was my 1,500th post and tomorrow is the 5-year anniversary of this blog. Perhaps it's a good time to take a moment and review.

• For those of you who don't know, I started this blog by posting a backlog of my very own rejections and went for a good long time until I ran out.
• Then I posted some rejections that came along in real-time.
• Then you all started sending me your rejections which has been interesting.
• Then we started a bunch of conversations about the state of publishing which has declined greatly these past 5 years.
• During this time I have published a bunch of things, but not another book, which is disappointing. I have also revised my novel many times and had a few agents interested who ultimately walked away.
• My family has gone crazy over my public writing about being disinherited and about them in essence.
• A bunch of publishers got excited about the disinheritance book proposal, but ultimately walked away.
• A small press is potentially interested in a book of my published essays, but they have not gotten back to me with an answer, and plus my family will FREAK out if it gets published, so there's that.
• I finally put my family way on the outside of my life.  In fact, they can go for a flying fuck if they would like to; I'm done.
• Just last month I took my "third-person omniscient" point of view and turned it into first-person weird" point of view which has revolutionized the novel, now so many years in the making it's embarrassing to give it a number in public.  (Related to the above bullet? probably) 
• Will the novel get published now?  I don't know.  Secret Agent Man is giving it a read (new to him), as are a few other trusted readers.  So cross your fingers for me, peeps.

Oh, and happy anniversary to you too. You mice make this blog worth writing and reading.

Back From Vacation

Hello, small endearing rodents. I am back in my own time zone. And though groggy from the red-eye, my paid work writing is piled up and waiting. Conference calls blazing, projects raging, etc. You get the picture. However, nothing similar has occurred in my creative endeavors. There was a phone call with a lovely editor just 3 weeks ago, I swear, that was the equivalent of a fireworks spectacular. I swear a victorious theme song was playing as he and I discussed my book proposal and its social impact. The editor said he wouldn't need much time to get an official offer together, just speak to one person. We cheered and were happy.  We got off the phone and did little happy dances, each in our separate offices. And then...fizzle, fizzle, pff, people.  Nothing. At first Secret Agent Man was going on "No news is good news," which after week two passed in silence abruptly switched to "No news is...well...no news." Maybe something happened to my friend the editor, which I pray not, but it is odd. I hope his family is well. I hope he is well. I also hope he doesn't go the way of all my literary luck and simply disappear.  Don't laugh; it's happened before. So, we sit and wait because that's what we do. Actually, as soon as I get my client deadlines under control, I'm just going to start writing the book. Fuck it, I say. It's going to be a marketable book, a good book. If an excerpt in the New York Times isn't enough to convince these book people, then nothing will, unless I somehow become a famous person, which isn't likely now, is it?  I will just have to do it while I am juggling my paid writing work, which will not be easy, but it will be familiar. Forward march, says I! And to intentionally mix a metaphor, it's time to fly.

Reading Your No-Luck Future

I like the idea that editors are "reading art" when they read our work. It seems less insulting if they don't like the art that way. I'm not sure why. Probably only because I'm not a painter.

Thank you for the privilege of reading your art. We've considered it carefully, but I'm sorry to report we have decided not to accept it for publication. We do want to wish you luck in placing it elsewhere, and bode you success with all your writing endeavors. Best, Brad Felver, Fiction Editor, Mid-American Review

Speaking of futures, today is the day Secret Agent Man herds in the cats and we find out who is going to make a bid on my book proposal(s). It is a special day, but let's not forget what skittish cats these are. Will we have a deal or no deal? Book or no book? The future is not yet written, which is always kind of an exciting moment because that means the problems have not yet arrived. I can believe whatever I want to believe, which is that one of these felines is going to see the value in said proposed book.  But mice, you know how cats are, so cross yourselves for me and pray that the catnip is strong this seasons. (p.s. Remember Agent 99? Wonder how she's doing?)

Today is the Day

I've been keeping my head down because Secret Agent Man and I have been working like dogs to get my non-fiction book proposal ready. Today it goes out into the world to 12 lucky, lucky editors. It's weird too because, peeps, I'll tell you, you work on a novel for over a decade and that's what you start to believe is going to be the thing that strikes out there in your name, on your behalf, as your work. But, alas, the novel is resting right now. Maybe all this flurry from the nonfiction project will pave the way for it. Or maybe not. The more I'm in this business the more I realize that I am not in control of this ride....or of anything. I just hope for inspiration and the wherewithal to get the words on the page, and whatever happens after that is a big effing mystery. Sometimes a very depressing mystery, sometimes the kind that blows your skirt up and knocks you out. There seems to be no telling. I'll keep you posted on the progress of the book proposal.
     I can tell you this, though, non-fiction feels very different from fiction. First of all, people seem to want nonfiction. Still, it's not as intimate or, I don't know, as heart-wrenching/-warming as fiction is--at least for this writer. Also nonfiction feels more business-y; kind of like my consulting work. But maybe that's good; I seemed to have figure out a formula for writing what sells and makes people happy in that realm. Maybe I can think of all the potential readers of this nonfiction book as my clients. There's an idea. Anyway, who the hell knows? I hope it all works out the way it's supposed to...or whatever.
     Are you mice all having a very happy New Year so far? Keep sending in your rejections and acceptances, and I will post as they come in. It's cool to know what's happening for you.

Who's Calling Whom?

Here's a rejection from Cornell University. Hope no one "gorged out."

EPOCH
Cornell University
251 Goldwin Smith
Ithaca, NY 14853
We regret that we are not able to place your work in our magazine. We're sorry to disappoint you, and we thank you for submitting to EPOCH.
EPOCH is published three times a year. Unsolicited submissions are reviewed from 15 September to 15 April of each year. Sample issues are available from the above address at $5.00 per copy, postage paid.

In other news, since Sunday's publication, 7 agents have contacted me. How's that for a turn of the tables? A few of them are former rejecters of mine. But I'm all set in the agent category with Secret Agent Man. So, "no thanks!" (That's good-sport code for "bite me," which I know is not very nice. You'll pardon me, I'm sure.)

Go Team Fiction!

There's an advertisement in that thar rejection:

Thank you for your submission to Able Muse. We have read your story carefully and unfortunately it did not meet our present needs. The best way to find out what we publish is by reading Able Muse. The latest issue, No. 11, Summer 2011 is available in print and online at. We invite our readers to get all the details on subscription information. --For the Fiction Team at Able Muse.

Sorry for the spotty posting; a family member had emergency surgery and I've been shuffling to the hospital and back. Everything is okay, but it's been quite a season of urgent matters. Luckily, all is turning out well in the end.

p.s. Writing Update: I am, it turns out, working with Secret Agent Man on a proposal for the nonfiction book....shhh! Also, I contacted an editor who once almost bought my second short story collection (still unpublished) and she is going to have a look at my novel and give me her professional editing opinion. I am paying her for this service, so it's a hired opinion.

An Open Proposal to Secret Agent Man

Okay, mice, I'm hoping to put this chapter on biopsies and novels behind us.
     I had another biopsy yesterday with a different method, which was awesomely, eye-stingingly painful--shockingly so. But it seems they got a robust sample of cells, and if it all goes well, I can skip the hospital deep dig version of this test. It was no picnic, it took several practitioners to excavate, but it's over now and on Monday the cancer answer will be revealed. (By the way, the mathematical odds of my having cancer are very, very slim. I mean, super slim.)
     So I'm not worried, and I'm already moving on.
     You may think this is a cavalier attitude to take, given my lack of luck in most matters lately, but look at it this way, my chance of having cancer is even slimmer than my chance of publishing a novel in this climate. So, for now, I'm putting them both away.
     You can be happy to think of me quietly working on my juicy cultural memoir Daddy Dearest. (Just kidding, that's not the title.) My book is more of an attempt to figure out how disinheritance became my fate, a surprise delivered via a secret will.  (Who does that crap?) Did you know that only in this country is disinheriting a child a protected right?  The rest of the world finds it unthinkable.
     BTW, in regard to all this, I've been thinking about asking an agent friend, whom I call SECRET AGENT MAN, to represent the memoir. I'd much rather he get any money that might possibly be made on my career than any of the douches I've met over the years. Plus he's a super good guy, he knows about my blog and all my douchery, including stupid past decisions and dumb impatient ways. He represents very big memoirs, and he just started his own business.
     The question is: Will he take me on knowing what he knows about me? I would promise not to post anything he writes to me on this blog, unless he posts it himself. Maybe we could have a totally blog-worthy public relationship, communicating only via LROD, so others can see what an author/agent relationship is like.  Well, maybe that goes a step too far. But I do think this book at least stands a better chance of making some dough. It's got commercial appeal, it's got hollywood starlets, and it's got...me.

    So, what do you say, SECRET AGENT MAN? Will you take me on?