Junker on a Space Junket

This just in over the wires about our friend Howard Junker.  An LROD reader stumbled on this Zyzzyva blog post and sounded the following warning: "Seriously, the guy is all about showing off how mean he is. He's only gotten worse in his old age. It's like a cry for help or something. Why would you post this self-righteous response?" Some people will do anything for attention; some editors are cranky. Do you see what we're dealing with here people?  No wonder it's so difficult.

Junker v. Genoways

Looks like now the editors of VQR  (Ted Genowasy) and Zyzzyva (Howard Junker) are going at each other.  Have a read here.  What I love is how Genoways, who has apologized for ridiculing slush pile writers, cannot pass a chance to justify his actions.  Funny.  Says Genoways of Junker, who has claimed to be shocked at VQR's offensive comments:  "Of course, two weeks ago—on the Zyzzyva blog—Junker likened his own slush pile to a “barrel of crap” and a week before that compared it to John Bunyan’s “slough of despond.” (For those of you not up on your Pilgrim’s Progress, one scholar cited on Wikipedia explains that it is 'the low ground where the scum and filth of a guilty conscience, caused by conviction of sin, continually gather.')"  Oh dear.  To me they seem so alike that they should be at a bar having a drink, not pummeling each other in public.  But what do I know?

Another Editor Responds

As requested by a commenter to this post from a few days ago, editor Howard Junker sent in the following response:

"Thanks for hungering for a response from me.

Actually, I was not alerted to your post until I did my usual Technorati search of blog mentions. When I tried to comment on your post, no window opened.

So, with regard to Roger D. Coleman's story, I published it because I liked it, which is the criterion I use for every piece. I found it strange in many ways, especially in its phrasing.

I chose to publish it as submitted, which is what many writers seem to want, because I did not think I could intervene in a small way without ruining the overall effect.

Yet I thought it only fair to let the reader know that this was a special case,an unedited story...for a reason.

I admire Coleman's courage and tenacity. Although his mind has been struck a grievous blow, he soldiers on. He continues to publish-some six or seven stories in the past year. Other editors obviously like his stuff, although I don't know whether they edit it or not.

Best regards,
Howard Junker"

I'm amazed that the "special snowflakes" on this blog (as we've been called) demand a response and get one.  Ask and you shall receive.  Also, I always end up kind of liking the charming Mr. Junker in the end, don't you?

Speaking of Gimmicks...

Since we've been on the topic of gimmicks and condescending editorial processes that should remain private, an anonymous reader sent this report in from the front. Looks like Howard Junker at Zyzzyva is at it again; this time, he is interested in fiction with a hook. Here are excerpts from the story, according to our anonymous spy:

"Alien Fusion," by Roger D. Coleman:

(from first paragraph):

"Bruce's "intended" canceled at the last minute due to Bruce's parental disapproval. Bruce decided to take the vacation by himself. He had made the reservation and could not get his money back. Besides, he thought to himself, I need a rest from my father's bank--where I work."

(couple paragraphs down)

"He went into the house, put down his squash racket. Dressed in his white trousers with his white corded sweater and threw his strong arm around his mother. (sic)
"Hello, Mom."
He hugger her (sic). His mother seemed tall with a good tan."

(penultimate paragraph):

"Bruce's parents were worried when they heard he met Butch. They were pleasantly surprised out (sic) was an attractive girl. They blessed the union and Bruce became the president of the bank (sic--no ending period)"

The submitter of this tidbit goes on to say: "The story goes on this way, awfully, for a few pages. Then Howard Junker puts in the footnote: RCD had a stroke but continues to write; this story is presented as submitted. He already "ages" rejections. After publishing this, in this form, I don't know how much more condescending he can get."

Kindness Is A Form Letter

An anonymous LROD reader sent in this literary magazine rejection with the rejecter omitted. But at this late stage in the game, we know a Howard Junker Special when we see one, complete (the submitter of this rejection added) with the word "onward" written at the bottom.  Here it is:

Gentle Writer:

Please forgive me for returning your work and for not offering comments or suggestions. I would like to say something to make up for my ungraciousness, but I don't think a few quick remarks would really help.  The truth is I have so little space, I must return almost everything -- 99% -- of what's sent to me, including a lot that interests me and even some pieces I admire. (Also, I make mistakes; my taste is erratic, my judgment flawed.)

The important thing is this: Do not be discouraged by this or any other momentary setback.  The road is long; the struggle must go on.

Then, too, the ways of the Muse are strange.  When she does visit again, I hope you will give her my best regards.

Keep the faith.

Yours, 

Editor

When I am feeling cynical, I feel this letter is insincere, but just now as I was typing it in, I thought it seemed kind of nice.  Maybe I've given the old Junk Man too much grief.  It's not his fault that he only has a few pages an issue for publishing great work--or that my Muse is indeed quite strange-acting and looks like an ugly dog named Rodolfo (see photo above).  I should really give the guy a break; he even posted about rejection on his blog this week.

(Also just wondering: What does your strange Muse look like?)

Junker Refuses to Oppose Ahern

Howard Junker sent me the following email message: "thank you but i decline to dethrone Queen Ahearne [sic], and if elected i will abdicate. or abscond, whichever comes first. in any case, i will kick the ass of anyone who thinks, falsely, that they once stole my potato chips. " (Apparently, the caps lock key on his computer is also broken.)

Thoughts on the matter: 1) Members of publishing royalty stick together. 2) These people live to reject me...for whatever, not even writing this time. 3) I think Junker surmised that he wasn't going to win (the popular vote was leaning in the other direction); so this was a good tactic to avoid rejection. Maybe we should all withdraw our projects and refuse to participate? 4) Still, Junker is a good sport.

Should Junker Get a GAK?

Debbie Yee pits Zyzzyva editor Howard Junker against Three Penny Review editor Wendy Lesser in a funny blog entry re:rejections. Check it out. She also left a comment linking to the above rejection letter by Howard Junker. (Thank you, Debbie.)

So? Should Howard get a GAK? Or is he trying a wee bit too hard? (Click the letter for a version that's easier to read.) I'm taking votes for the next week or so and will announce results whenever I feel like it. Like, maybe in 2-4 months. On a tiny cream-colored slip of paper. With Debbie Yee's heartfelt regrets.

Zyzzyva BlogRoll Request

Since no one among publishing's ruling class has ever willingly approached Writer, Rejected for any reason-- good, bad, or ugly--you can imagine my surprise at receiving an e today from Zyzzyva editor Howard Junker, who claims that writers tend to like his rejections. He wonders why he is not listed on my blogroll, which as you know is entitled Nonrejecting Blogs. The answer is of course that I cannot in good conscience include anyone in a rejecting position of power, not even the kindest of editorial princes. It wouldn't be right.

But there is an interesting page on Zyzzyva's Blog entitled Zyzzyva: the last word, Rejection. You should check it out. Also, if anyone has a Zyzzyva rejection on file, please send it in, and we'll judge for ourselves. Or perhaps someone out there would like to nominate said editor for a GAK! Award and give Rosemary Ahern a run for her money.

(NB: You have to live on the West Coast to publish in Zyzzyva.)