Bored with Myself

Today I learned the word "rejection" was first used in 1415 (MCDXV). Here's what else happened that year: Several reformers of the Catholic church were burned at the stake for heresy. Henry IV died, and Henry V took over as King of England and invaded France.  Also Cecily Neville, mother of Edward IV and Richard III of England was born.  If you watch and enjoy (as I have) the excellent BBS/Starz miniseries The White Queen based on Philippa Gregory's wildly successful historical series (The Cousins' War: The White Queen, The Red Queen, The Kingmakers Daughter) you might find this interesting. Otherwise, you may go about your business and ignore this post.

A Change of Pace

What if I have a change of heart and only post literary acceptance letters? This extraordinary one says:  "Dear Lee: As I go through The Files, getting the material together for the next issue of Great Works-- I come across some pieces of paper, that are, yes, your poems sent in to me, and duly put aside by me (I'll reply tomorrow I suspect I thought). I am sure I didn't reply tomorrow (I am a desperately appalling correspondent).  Well, I would, actually, like to publish probably most of what you have sent me, if you would still want this, after I really have no idea how long. Is that OK?" Love everything about it, especially the creative grammar, tone, and verb tense. A+

Calling All Modern Love Rejects

Got a note from the nice peeps over at the aptly named Modern Love Rejects blog in case you have a hankering to post the piece Daniel Jones at the New York Times rejected. (That column is tired anyway.) They have posted some nice work over there.  Take a gander.  Here's the note I received:

Hello Fellow Reject, I write you from our new website Modern Love Rejects. We post the essays not nearly good enough for the NY Times Modern Love column. I couldn't help but notice that you, too, have been rejected by Modern Love three times (as have my co-founder, Kiri and I) Would you care to share one of your essays with us. We'd love to have you. Rejects must stick together! Yours, Samara

This is where hungry agents should go trolling for talent.

Girl's Got Chutzpah!

Got this note from a new (very funny) mouse including a video of a poem consisting of the handwritten notes on top of form rejection letters received. Hope you enjoy!

I stumbled upon your blog via HARRIET (the Poetry Foundation blog), and I love it. I wish I had known about during some of my rotten runs with rejection! It also inspired me to want to share with you this video of a poem I have called "Notes on Rejection(s)," which is a list poem consisting solely of things which have been written on top of rejection notes I've received.

Music To The Ear

We cannot distribute this album, but wouldn't mind producing your next project. Now, that's what I call a good rejection! Of course, music was a different world in 1980 too.

Doodle-Dee-Doo

When you don't get into art school, you can always turn the rejection into art.

Cannot See Without Them

Which of you British mice were responsible stealing Jonathan Franzen's glasses at a book party and leaving a ransom note? Love it. Wish I had the balls to do something like that. You know how I feel about Franzen despite Oprah's forgiving him. Story via The Guardian.

Really Makes You Wonder

Must have been a juicy article!

This is What it Feels Like Sometimes

"Thank you for your manuscript "S.O.S Send Help."  At this time we do not feel the concept of a man lost on a desert island will fit into our collection. Sincerely, Acme Book Publishing.

Judson Merrill Rejects Them All

The Interwebs are all abuzz with this tidbit from writer Judson Merrill who really lets 'em have it. My fave is this:

Dear Pebble Lake Review: Congratulations on not accepting my story. In a way, I’m jealous. I bet it’s satisfying to grind out a man’s carefully kindled dignity. Your communiqué, however, did leave me with a few concerns. You write, “We hope you will submit again in the future.” Many thanks! Since the story I submitted is my strongest, I will certainly send it again in the future. In fact, just this morning I found an embarrassing use of “than” when I meant “then.” In case that error is the reason you initially passed on the story, please find the corrected version attached. The future is now! Look forward to hearing from you, Judson

Dear Editor [And All Other Editors]

And now a sobering word from that gentle Itinerant Bastard. Favorite line: "Dear Editor...Please edit the manuscript you bought, not the manuscript you wish you had."

Some Rejections Stretch the Brain

A+ for effort.

Do Your Google Research, People

Here's some good practical advice about how to query agents from author Kelly Wittmann's Five Agents and A Funeral Blog.  Her method is one I've used many times on my own because it's simply a pragmatic use of the resources available. Worth the read as a refresher course. Kelly, btw, cleverly calls herself, "a character-driven writer navigates her way through a plot-driven world."  Indeed.  

Sticker and All

Ah, yes. The Normal School.  A classic.

Reject-O-Meter Awesomeness

Our friend Bill Shapiro (pronounced Shup-AYE-roe, BTW), Prince of Letters, King of Letter Books, Royal Poodle of Rejections, is approaching his pub date. Crown is promoting his book (title: Other People's Rejection Letters,) in this adorable way.  Want to send someone a letter via The Reject-O-Matic? Feel free, my friends; knock yourselves out. Personally, I went a little crazy with this similar adorable promotion (Hours of freaking fun, I tell you...), but I think I'm going to send some rejectoes on the double. (Suggestion to Reject-O-Matic wizards: Allow more spaces for the names.  I had to shorten up Dennis the Vizsla and my own moniker, as you can see above.) In the meantime, why not pre-order your very own copy of Other People's Rejection Letters today? Stay tuned for more from Bill here next month.

Rejected Novels for the Relief Effort

...Or you can send your many voluminous unpublished manuscript to help sop up the flood waters of New England. My favorite line in this funny article is: "St. Stephen has been unable to find a publisher for the tome, and will ship his manuscript in three semi-trailer trucks to a processing plant in Shirley, Mass., where it will be mixed with uneaten fish sticks from the cafeteria at Bernie Carbo Junior High School to give it more substance." Also, the expert from his absorbable novel, "a three-volume family saga in the manner of William Faulkner's Yoknapatawpha County novels," is also pretty funny:

. . . and it was not the knowingness or the beingness between the two who were the issue or the effluvium of their polar opposite forebears who yet shared the sameness and the oneness of the South yes the South with its crape myrtle and Yoo-Hoo Chocolate Soda and lightning bugs even though the drinking fountain yes the drinking fountain at Sonny Tufts Park in Atlanta had been shared yes shared by them illicitly and implictly even though serially and even though one was white and one black.

Kudos to the author, Con Chapman.  He seems like one of us!

Why Not Start Today?

Not for nothing, but I think I'm getting myself a copy of this book.  You?

Acceptance: For A Change

Check this out. I wish my last name were Brilliant.

We Long to Believe Again

Not only did Jacob Appel win first prize in this contest, but he was also a runner-up. How, oh how, does the man do it? And why doesn't somebody collect these award-winning gems and sell them?  How about you, Ms. Betsy Lerner?  You read this blog (or at least you list it on your awesome blog, The Forest For the Trees).  Please solicit the man and be our hero. Restore our faith in the system, in fiction, in the benevolent gods.  Even if short stories are the kiss of death, maybe Appel is the next Alice Munro, minus that more reasonable country, Canada...but still. He makes me wish I were a better (third-gendered) wo/man and that I still wrote short stories, but two collections are enough for me.  Besides, I have turned my eyes toward the lucrative goddess, nonfiction, of the creative variety.

"Rejection Letters" by Nava Lubelski

So far 2010 has yielded some awesome rejection art.  This beauty is by Nava Lubelski, who has gotten a lot of press for her wine-stained table cloth. Says the Boston Globe "…her works are like vivid, stuttering topographical maps, with stitches gathering in a healing way around the dark stains...her mastery of color and gesture makes these works beautiful." I think her remodeled, remended rejections are pretty darn brilliant.