Agent Attack

Here's a bit of disturbing news. Not sure how to verify it.  I suppose it could be true.

Oh, MIssouri, Race Always Matters, Don't You Know

Wrote the editor/intern answering the mail and reading the slush:

Hello: Your story was interesting, but I felt that you focused too much on Gretchen being white--she's awful certainly, but I don't see why race matters there.  That being said, I loved her focus on voids and how you ended it.  Please try us again soon with another piece.

 Is it left unstated that the writer shouldn't get all mad at white people?  Or if the person is awful it should not be an indication of her white-ness?  Not sure.  But interesting.  I'm betting this was a young intern who wrote this note.  Anyway, check out the author's in-depth reply to this rejection over at his blog. It's worth the read. Very interesting.

A Rarity for Writer, Rejected

Here's something unusual. I have just finished the new proposal for my nonfiction book (with three sample chapters). Also I have recently finished a revised version (with a new point of view) of my novel.  That's two projects nearly ready to go out in the world.  Twins!  I have given birth to twins, and it was a long, long labor. Right now, I have some people reading both manuscripts, and then I'm going to send them (bombard?) Secret Agent Man with them.  It's August, a good time for him to read pages upon pages. Maybe this fall things will be different for old Writer, Rejected. Wouldn't that be nice? Well, anyway, a third-gendered person can dream, can't sh/h/ze?

We Do Not Recommend Your Work

Hey, wait a minute; there's no such thing as a fifth Wednesday. Maybe we don't recommend your journal, even if you do think we benefit from buying copies of it:

Dear Writer: Thank you for sending your work to Fifth Wednesday Journal. We have completed our review, and our readers and editors do not recommend your work for publication in the Fall 2012 issue. Please visit www.fifthwednesdayjournal.org for information on future submission periods. Fifth Wednesday Journal editors recognize the cost of literary magazines can be prohibitive for many writers. Nevertheless, we believe that writers benefit from reading a literary magazine on a regular basis. Our offer: Send a copy of this e-mail together with a payment of $6.00 and we will send you one copy of the issue of your choice; send a payment of $15.00 and we will send you a three (3) issue subscription starting with the most recent issue released. Unfortunately, for international orders we must add postage: $6.00 for one copy and $15.00 for subscriptions. Offer expires October 1, 2012. Send a copy of this e-mail, shipping address, issue choice, and payment to: Fifth Wednesday Books, Inc. P.O. Box 4033, Lisle, IL 60532-9033 Thank you again for the opportunity to read your work. If you wish to receive our newsletters go to the website and click on the Join Our Mailing List icon. Editors at Fifth Wednesday Journal www.fifthwednesdayjournal.org

May Has Brought Spring Flowers and the First Person

So, I'm working on the novel again. I don't know exactly what came over me, but I'm reworking it into the first person, sort of an omniscient first-person point of view...hard to explain.  Will it work?  Who knows? I am bravely charging forward. I think after all these years in therapy, my therapist will consider it a breakthrough to have found this self-identified character a confident new voice of its own.  Publishable? Who the hell knows...or, at this point, cares? I'm beyond all that (today), and it is super freeing.  I am actually writing to discover what it is I've been trying to say all these years. Will keep you posted. In the meantime, here's a Gigantic rejection to tide the people-mice over, auspices a loyal LROD reader:

Thank you for your submission and your interest in Gigantic. Unfortunately, this didn't feel quite right for us, but we wish you the best of luck placing it elsewhere. Sincerely, The Editors

The Saturday Evening Post Nasal Drip

Says the writer who received this rejection: "I like the use of the word 'develop'; I do not like their use of 'traditional relationships.'" I personally am stumped by the very last sentence: 'In your writ in endeavors'--huh?

Dear writer:

Thank you for submitting material to The Saturday Evening Post. We regret that we are unable to develop it for publication at this time. Often because of the sheer volume of freelance submissions we receive, we are forced to reject well-written and informative articles and queries.

You may have noticed that the Post has gone through a transition. We purchase very few outside articles and stories, but are increasing our fiction somewhat. Include one or two published clips with your query. We prefer typed manuscripts between 1,000 and 2,000 words in length. We generally buy all rights.

Although we seldom publish new fiction, our readers enjoy upbeat stories that stress traditional relationships and family values. A light, humorous touch is appreciated. We are also always in need of straight humor articles. We are especially interested in well-written, wholesome humor.

If you send a manuscript, either (1) include a sufficiently stamped and sized SASE for its return; or (2) indicate you do not wish the material returned and include sufficiently stamped SASE for reply only.

Thanks again or thinking about the Post. We wish you success in your writ in endeavors.

The Editors

Mix Impressive Work with Softened Blessings and Stir

This batch wasn't right for them:

Dear Writer: Thank you for your recent submission to 32 Poems. This batch of poems wasn’t right for us, but we’re grateful for the opportunity to consider them and invite you to submit again in the future. It’s a mixed blessing that we receive so much impressive work. We sometimes have to turn away poems that we consider exceptionally strong.--The Editors

All Story All The Time

Zoetrope remains an enigma to me. Does your story have to seem like it would make a good movie? Not sure.  Anyway, here's a rejection sent in by a very industrious mouse who submits stories all the time.

Orion Gives Good Form Letter

At Orion, the editors hire someone to thank you on their behalf for your gripping, memorable story. You have a strong voice, whoever you are. Your narrative is gritty, no matter who you are.

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider your manuscript. This is a gripping and memorable story; the voice is strong and the narrative gritty, raw, and evocative. This piece is not quite a fit for Orion, but please look for fiction forthcoming in the magazine and submit again in the future, if you would like. We wish you the best in placing this work elsewhere and appreciate your consideration of our magazine as a home for your writing. Sincerely, Erica Dorpalen, for the Editorial Staff

p.s. Do you also think people are making it up when they say they can see "Orion, The Hunter" in all those flecks of star dust in the sky? I think it's a conspiracy.

First Weekend of Summer

Happy Memorial Day, Rosemary Ahern. Excuse the oxymoron.

Policy to Pass on Engaging & Well-Written

So, what then is the reason for not taking it.  Just didn't feel like it?  Didn't really find it engaging and well-written? Fickle?

Dear Writer: Thank for submitting ["Name of Work"] to Abyss & Apex. I found the story engaging and well written, but unfortunately we are going to pass. Best of luck in placing your story elsewhere.We really do appreciate you letting us see your work. Kind regards, Oliver Waite, Assistant Editor

Warrior of My Heart

Strange sentiment, no? "Although we've decided against your work, once upon a time we were interested." I guess the idea is that you'll feel better knowing you weren't just immediately dismissed as a terrible writer out of hand. Is it better or worse knowing that Black Warrior had interest upon opening the envelope, but quickly lost that loving feeling? Also, this is a form rejection, so how sincere could the "it's-not-you-it's-me" excuse really be taken? Not very.

Scandal Might Be Overstatement

Here's an article I'm not sure I understand about a current "scandal" at the Paris Review. Really? Because the new editor isn't a poet? Is that what fuels this....zzzz....Oh, sorry. Fell asleep.

The Poetry Of the Impersonal Reply

After much consideration, we feel unable to use your poetry for publication.  Is "unable to use" a feeling?  My shrink would say it is not.

Somewhere in an Alternate Universe...

A cartoonist is receiving your rejections.  Be glad you can't draw.

Where the Sun Don't Shine

Look way at the bottom of this rejection from The Sun where Colleen Donfield's name is listed. Wouldn't you love the title "Manuscript Reader?"  It's like "Child Raiser" or "Book Writer." Kind of charming, but why is her name there if the letterl is from the editor? It's confusing, no?  Though I suppose it merely means that the editor didn't reject you, the Manuscript Reader did, or something like that. I always say hope for a rejection from the person with the highest title; it makes it more permanent. Anyway, I like that The Sun says the rejection is not a reflection of your writing.  Kind of poetic there with the metaphors, no?

You're Under Syntactical Arrest

In this rejection, an anonymous poet had been once rejected by Kate Bernadette Benedict at Umbrella Journal, but invited to send in more work.  The poet wrote to ask about the next reading period for submissions, and received this snippy bit of business: "Well, the guidelines answer that question, of course, but more importantly that's where our editorial needs are spelled out in great detail.  If the first poem is representative of your style, then it might not work out.   Just a fair warning.  --katebb"

Anonymous Poet also included this cut and paste from the journal's mission statement, so we could all see what goes on in certain little journals (yellow highlighting belongs to the exasperated poet):

What is an Umbrella poem also like?

• It’s probably short, no more than a page or two.
• It probably isn’t a prose poem (i.e., a poem written in paragraphs), though there have been exceptions.
• No matter what the overt subject matter, its real subject is the human condition.
• It has momentum.
• It has a distinguishing style which radiates freshness and deep imagination.
• If written in form, the form fits the subject matter; no one would call the poet’s choice of form arbitrary.
• If written in free verse, it is disciplined, with its own sonics and structure; no one would call it “prosy.”
• It employs Standard English punctuation, orthography and sentence structure. In general we are unmoved by punctuational oddity.  We expect to see periods, commas and capital letters at the start of sentences.  (Initial caps at the beginning of lines are not particularly loved but certainly optional.)
• It has an umbrella idea!

What is an Umbrella poem not like?
Previously this section was very detailed; on reflection, your editor concluded that it sounded fussy.  Very complicated formatting is usually not feasible here for technical reasons.  The main bugaboos are pathetic fallacy (the attribution of human traits to nature or things) and a common syntactical oddity in which conjunctions and participles are jettisoned in favor of clipped phrases separated by a comma (more atsyntactical arrest).  We feel this is a radical stand and we are proud of it; poems exhibiting even one line of syntactical arrest (a term coined by your ed. and meant to elicit chuckles of recognition) have no chance of acceptance unless the author agrees to an edit.  Otherwise, we are pretty much open to any technique or turn of phrase that fits the poem and its umbrella idea.  

Really -- Bed Bugs?

So, did you hear about the infestation at Penguin Group? Talk about a plague upon your (publishing) house. It makes you wonder what's next, doesn't it? Boils, Frogs, more Fake Memoirs.

I Had To Use the Rest Room

I was in a Barnes & Noble this evening after watching that movie Julie & Julia -- you know, the one about publishing -- and I noticed that all the posters for book signings and readings were for celebrity authors. (Seriously, Juliette Binoche, Wallace Shawn, and Daryl Hannah.) It's just so distressing. I don't tend to stop into big bookstore chains anymore...they make my skin crawl and they dash my hopes to the ground every time. It's kind of like believing that if you write a good book, it will get published, only to learn that it's just too late for you. And yet, there it was in living color, 4 stories of shelves jam-packed with other people's books for sale. Honestly, sometimes I just don't get it.

Not What The 5th Wall Wants

There was no explanation with this rejection letter, but I believe The 5th Wall sent back writer Elaine Hatfield's query letter with the following notations to indicate they were not going to publish her short story.