Dear Tina Brown: May I Please Have A Job?

According to Motoko Rich of the New York Times, Tina Brown will "speed up book publishing" by joining her Daily Beast with Perseus Book Group in order to expedite the publishing of titles by Daily Beast Writers.  Good for you, Sister.  Here's her idea according to the article:

On a typical publishing schedule, a writer may take a year or more to deliver a manuscript, after which the publisher takes another nine months to a year to put finished books in stores. At Beast Books, writers would be expected to spend one to three months writing a book, and the publisher would take another month to produce an e-book edition.

That ought to shake things up.  At least someone has a plan, right?

Waiting For A New Profit Model

I went to a party last night where there were several writers.  One had a novel published and was being heavily leaned upon by her agent to write a nonfiction book, so that she could get an advance and not have to take a waitressing job. Another very established couple, each with several well-known novels under their belts, are reportedly having as much trouble as I am getting their new novels accepted. Finally, after much shopping and crying and shopping, one of them was able to get Penguin to take the new novel. She has an excellent agent obviously.  After awhile the party felt like a funeral: books are dead.
     Anyway, in tribute to all of these fine writers (and so many more), I thought I'd post this funny video, which may soon be pretty directly applicable to books.  Do you think online books and electronic book readers will replace the actual objects as has happened pretty much with newspapers?  Is that what's happening?
    Before answering, consider this article.

Two Down and Four to Go

This rejection came in sounding nothing like the agent's earlier charmingly old-fashioned correspondence, suggesting, probably, that it was written by his assistant or a reader/screener:

Dear Writer Rejected,
    Thank you for sending me [title of novel]. I enjoyed reading the work and I thought that there were moments of beauty and poetry in it, particularly the scene [describes something minor that happens in one sentence occurring before page 30], but I'm sorry to say that in these tough times for publishing I think it would be difficult to find a publisher who would make an offer for it. The writing is quite poetic but I felt that the narrative could use more by the way of...linear progression....
    I'm sorry not to be able to get back to you with better news but I really did enjoy reading it and needless to say, I would be glad to look at more of your work in the future. I wish you the best of luck with the novel.
    Yours, 
    Name of Big-Time Charming Gentleman Agent

I am working on a new project by the way....so if none of this pans out, I will probably just move forward on that.

The Problem Continues AFTER You Get the Agent

I never had the problem of unreturned phone calls with any of my agents, but I have a friend whose agent NEVER calls him back.  NEVER.  What would you do with that?  Anyway, perhaps we will get some enlightenment from this GalleyCat series "Why Agents Don't Return Calls: Part 1."

One Down & Five To Go

Dear Writer Rejected:


I finished the pages of [Title of Novel] while I was out these past few days. It’s certainly oddly different from anything out there right now, and honestly I think it was a bit off beat for me....I never really got swept into the pages as I was expecting to be especially with the central idea of the [description of central idea]. I really believe this is not for me so I’m going to pass on the project. Thank you so much for sharing the pages with me and I am sure someone else will feel differently and will gravitate to the characters and narrative of your literary novel.


Very warm regards,
Agent with a Biblical name


I knew this guy wasn't going to like my novel.  I'd read some stuff he'd written on a blog, and I could tell that he liked pretty formulaic happy stuff, and my novel is waaaay out there.  I sent it to him on the recommendation of the guy who's been selling me glasses for the last 10 years.  In other words, what I had in common with this agent is fabulous eyewear.  Guess, he didn't see things my way, though....my way is twisted and a weird. Anyway, I've got the novel out with 5 other agents right now, so please keep your fingers crossed for me, and please say a prayer to the literary gods, if you believe in them, and please send me good vibes.  I'm obviously going to need them.

Write YOUR Own First Novel...I'm Tired

Caroline Hagood, self-proclaimed blog maniac, wrote an article over at mediabistro entitled, Why You Should Write That First Novel. Here's a highlight: "The worst that will happen is that your novel will be forced to endure the writer’s spring cleaning, taking up residence in the sock drawer with the sobering knowledge that the socks are more likely to get a publishing contract. Just remember the old adage that the first novel is meant to function as a sort of lubrication for the next tome to come shooting out of the writing mind." I don't know about you, but my first novel kicked my ass....

Never Edit Out Ferrets

More of these charming reflections of a rejected writer's life.

Rejections Like Crack Cocaine

Oh, sure! Now everyone else is doing it too!  Now it's edgy and trendy.  Just kidding, I think it's kind of cool that Carr shared this.  I remember when Bob Gottlieb was at the New Yorker.

Please Don't Get My Hopes Up With Your Exclamation Marks

Why do they write to let you know they are currently reading your novel? Is it to get you excited and make you think that they wouldn't waste time writing you with the update unless they are loving the manuscript? Why do I always conclude that it means they are mere hours away from writing back with good, good news?  In the last two months, I've received three such perky little messages followed rejection or radio silence, as such:

1) Editor in June: I am reading now and will be able to weigh in very soon! Thanks for your patience--more soon!"  Three exclamation points.  Now that's just cruel in light of the fact that exactly nine days later, she wrote "Thanks for your patience...I'm sorry it's not for me!"

2) Agent yesterday: "I'm reading this now--I'm still on jury duty so it's a bit hectic--I'll be back to you next week."  This one was followed up one day later with, "It's a bit too offbeat for me."

3) Agent who has had the manuscript since August: "I'm still reading your novel, but will be in touch soon about it."  That message came on September 3rd....still no word.

Don't you think it would be better if they just waited to get to the end of the manuscript (or to the page they decide to stop on) and tell you no thanks?

Violence Never Pays, Friends

I thought this cartoon was slightly cute, though unrealistic.  The stab of the paper rejection only works one way.  Anyway, don't try this at home.

Multiples...And I Don't Mean Orgasms

Speaking of Oregon, writer David Michael Slater, who boasts 9 published books, including picture, young adult, middle school novel, adult short story collection, adult novel, among other, has a word or two on rejection in this article.  Here's a nice highlight:

And so one duly submits. But soon enough that seldom-heard mathematical voice muses from its long abandoned brainfold: Hmmm. Six months response time. So…hmm…we could submit this to…let’s see…two places a year. In ten years, we could have twenty readings! As a good, decent and patriotic citizen, one tries not to hear this number-crunching, statgeek voice, but it makes a compelling point in the end. And so I will admit to having started to slip the odd extra submission out, together-like. Just two or three per round. At first.

Dude, I always submit simultaneously, and always tell people that's what I'm doing. It makes people a little skittish, but ultimately, it's the only sane way to get the work out there and eventually (one hopes) into the world.

Or You Could Make Some Art

Artist Dan Senn made this clever installation piece with his rejections: it involves his actual rejection letters being hung from the ceiling and read by broadcasted robot voices in an ever-changing algorithm where 1-3 letters are heard at any given time.
Seriously?  Only in Portland.  Go Oregon!

You Don't Say

Famous Lit Blogger, Maud Newton, won this year's prize from the famous Literary Rag, Narrative Magazine.  You can read Maud's story here (if you want to log in, sign up and give them all your vitals).  If not, here's the opening of the story, entitled, When the Flock Changed:

    MY MOTHER WAS a preacher until the cops shut her down. Well, okay, she kept at it halfheartedly in our living room for a while, but the fire had wiped out not just her warehouse church and the halfway house she ran out of it, but her passion, her commitment, and maybe even, deep down, her belief. 

Congratulations, Maude.  I don't know you, but I like your glasses.

How It All Shook Down

So, remember  the most recent agent who rejected my novel, but wanted to read my other manuscripts? (Go way back to the day before yesterday.) After polling you guys, I thought it over and wrote her back to ask more specifically what her proposal would entail.  Her response was as follows: "it depends what's going on with your novel. If you find representation by someone who wants to represent all your interests, that would of course be ideal for you. I know I'd be interesting in reading the memoir/ short story collection." 
    I wrote back and thanked her for wanting to read more.  I told her that I'd like to see what happens with the other agents, one of whom may snatch up my novel with all my other work, or all of whom may pass on it and agree with her assessment that the novel is not ready, in which case, if she were game, I wanted to come back and show her my other work.  I asked if she was cool with waiting a few weeks.  Her answer: "Of course. Good luck!"  
    I don't know why this is true, but I think I might not have put her off if she lived and worked in New York City. I guess I have a regional bias.  But maybe folks can chime in here.  Do you have an agent who lives in Los Angeles, Washington D.C., Boston, somewhere other than Manhattan?  If so, how's that working for you?

Wait, Isn't It A Numbers Game?

Here's a charming blog that features these cartoon: