At the Moment...Not Right

It says: "Many thanks for the opportunity to consider your submission. I'm afraid I'm passing on our regrets--we don't feel that it's right for HarperCollins at the moment, and I am therefore returning it to you.  Nevertheless, thanks again for the chance to consider it, and best wishes for your writing. Yours sincerely, the ASSISTANT"

Delighting in Rejecting You

Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jub Jub bird
And shun the frumious bandersnatch!

Calling All Modern Love Rejects

Got a note from the nice peeps over at the aptly named Modern Love Rejects blog in case you have a hankering to post the piece Daniel Jones at the New York Times rejected. (That column is tired anyway.) They have posted some nice work over there.  Take a gander.  Here's the note I received:

Hello Fellow Reject, I write you from our new website Modern Love Rejects. We post the essays not nearly good enough for the NY Times Modern Love column. I couldn't help but notice that you, too, have been rejected by Modern Love three times (as have my co-founder, Kiri and I) Would you care to share one of your essays with us. We'd love to have you. Rejects must stick together! Yours, Samara

This is where hungry agents should go trolling for talent.

Always A Speculative Day A Way

This one is hilarious. It says: Dear Michael: Thank you for showing me "The D--d." Although it was generally consistent, and often clever, it was not quite right for Tomorrow's audience. Working for that audience can, sometimes, b e pretty tricky.  I'm sorry. It seemed to have an ending that meant something to you, but didn't quite make it with me. Your spelling is more or less bad. So is your attempt at copyediting. Can you start doing something about that?  Send me something else, please. You're Good. Best, Algis Burdys

Hope Springs Eternal

A Facebook Page where agents can meet new writers? I suspect that is an agent's worst nightmare! Confession: I only ever "unfriended" one person and that was an agent who quit the business on me. I used to hate to see her all chummy with other clients and with me not so much.

Some Editor's Child Sent This One

Everyone just keeps getting younger and younger. (Sigh.)

Speaking of New Yorker Rejections

This would be refreshing, but I don't think it's real. The New Yorker editors are too genteel for such crude language, right?

Because We're So Warm and Fuzzy

This really cracked me up. Who said the editors at the famed magazine were a bunch of cold-hearted douches? Best regards to you too, esteemed sirs and madams. Best regard to you.

1,983 Rejections: 3 Acceptances

Mary Bennett of Portland, Oregon has an installation of interest to us at 23 Sandy Gallery on May 20th. According to the promo material, the artists "examines the personal qualities of perseverance, deliberation, consistency and belief that were possessed by one woman, a poet and a dedicated writer. The unknown, anonymous poet believed in herself so much that she sent out 1,986 submissions to literary journals from 1973 to 1978, all recorded on yellowed and tattered index cards. As the cards document, she received 1,983 rejections and only three acceptances. Her dedication is the inspiration for Mary Bennett’s exhibition, which includes the found index cards, which will cover the gallery walls plus a re-creation of the poet’s imagined writing studio." Can't find a link to the show yet, so I'll keep looking and add, so everyone can read the rejections.

In the Fantasy Version, Mazur Says "Yes"

Dear Author: Thank you for submitting your story to the Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, but I’m going to pass on it. This story couldn’t hold my interest, I’m afraid. Good luck to you with this one, and thanks again for sending it our way. Sincerely, Stephen Mazur, Assistant Editor                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

In Other Words...No

Cannot use it at this time•Didn’t pique my interest•Didn’t strike a chord•Doesn’t meet our needs•Doesn’t fit our plans•Have to pass on this•Isn’t resonating with me•Isn’t something we’d like to pursue•No room for more clients•Not a right fit•Not exactly what we’re looking for•Not for usNot suitable for us•Not quite right for this publication•We are not enthusiastic enough about this work•We are not certain we could be effective in placing your work•We are not right for your work•We do not have a place for this

We Considered and Considered It

"Additional consideration" is the consolation prize of rejection. And you can quote me on that. The rejection says: "Debbie: Sorry we didn't find _________ (something?) here, but your work did receive additional consideration. Try us again. --The editors."

Hustled

Leave it to Larry Flynt.

Cookbooks and Vampire Novels

It's always good to have a blog where the writer strikes back.  Also a good excuse to use the word redacted. Have a hop over to Brooklyn and check it out for yourself:

Dear Agent: Thank you for sending me your standard response and, while I appreciate your ability to copy and paste, your form letter is not what I am looking for in the way of feedback. It may seem sincere to you, and I would certainly encourage you to keep sending it to other writers, but I cannot accept it at this time. Best, Writer

Reading Group Ettiquette

The submitter of this rejection is in a reading group with the four editors and still gets rejected in a perfunctory manner, such as this:

Thank you for your submissions. Unfortunately, we will not be publishing your work. We wish you all the best in your future creative endeavors and hope you will submit work for consideration for our next issue. We will reopen in September 2011. Best wishes, HRR Staff