What Would You Do?

"Dear Writer Rejected: I read your pages and you are without a doubt a very strong writer. However, I didn’t fall in love with the novel. You mention in your email that you’ve recently started a memoir and that you have a short story collection. I understand you’d like to find an agent for this novel, and have it out with several right now--but if you’re open to it, I’d love to read the beginning of your memoir, as well as the complete short stories. Let me know where things stand. Best, Chick-Lit-Type Agent Who Doesn't Like Your Novel & Probably Won't Like Your Other Stuff Either"

It's pretty unusual for an agent to suggest they might like to represent only some of your work, no? Do I (a) give her the other manuscripts and not worry about it? (b) put her off a bit and wait to see if one of the other 5 agents loves the novel and wants to take everything on? (c) say thank you, but no thank you, and stand by my novel. 

Standard Umbrella Journal Rejection

Just in case you want to see the standard rejection for Umbrella, here it is: "Umbrella Journal's submissions have increased to such a degree that we are unable to respond with a more personal letter. I'm sorry we won't be able to publish your work but please know that it received careful consideration and we thank you for entrusting it to us.  Best regards, KateBB"

You're Under Syntactical Arrest

In this rejection, an anonymous poet had been once rejected by Kate Bernadette Benedict at Umbrella Journal, but invited to send in more work.  The poet wrote to ask about the next reading period for submissions, and received this snippy bit of business: "Well, the guidelines answer that question, of course, but more importantly that's where our editorial needs are spelled out in great detail.  If the first poem is representative of your style, then it might not work out.   Just a fair warning.  --katebb"

Anonymous Poet also included this cut and paste from the journal's mission statement, so we could all see what goes on in certain little journals (yellow highlighting belongs to the exasperated poet):

What is an Umbrella poem also like?

• It’s probably short, no more than a page or two.
• It probably isn’t a prose poem (i.e., a poem written in paragraphs), though there have been exceptions.
• No matter what the overt subject matter, its real subject is the human condition.
• It has momentum.
• It has a distinguishing style which radiates freshness and deep imagination.
• If written in form, the form fits the subject matter; no one would call the poet’s choice of form arbitrary.
• If written in free verse, it is disciplined, with its own sonics and structure; no one would call it “prosy.”
• It employs Standard English punctuation, orthography and sentence structure. In general we are unmoved by punctuational oddity.  We expect to see periods, commas and capital letters at the start of sentences.  (Initial caps at the beginning of lines are not particularly loved but certainly optional.)
• It has an umbrella idea!

What is an Umbrella poem not like?
Previously this section was very detailed; on reflection, your editor concluded that it sounded fussy.  Very complicated formatting is usually not feasible here for technical reasons.  The main bugaboos are pathetic fallacy (the attribution of human traits to nature or things) and a common syntactical oddity in which conjunctions and participles are jettisoned in favor of clipped phrases separated by a comma (more atsyntactical arrest).  We feel this is a radical stand and we are proud of it; poems exhibiting even one line of syntactical arrest (a term coined by your ed. and meant to elicit chuckles of recognition) have no chance of acceptance unless the author agrees to an edit.  Otherwise, we are pretty much open to any technique or turn of phrase that fits the poem and its umbrella idea.  

Ancient Alien Civilization Rejection

Here's a rejection received by Dr. Peter McClean Millar in 1980 (note the typewriter). He eventually self-published The Eve of Armageddon (iUniverse, 2000).

Where Mary Tyler Moore Got Her MFA

No MFA from U Minn for you? Well, it's debatable about whether it would have helped or hindered.  You know that old debate, right?

Inventor's Inspiration

"I have not failed.  I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." --Thomas Edison

Books On Demand (Just Like TV)

Well, this ought to shake things up in the book biz, or at least teach the reading public a whole new way to read.  You've got to hand it to Google; they ain't just whistling Dixie around there.

No Time For Personal Comment

Your getting published here was just a fantasy.  Better luck at Madison Square Station.

Check, Check, Check & Check

Apparently, this guy's story was:

• Tedious and failed to hold the reader's interest
• Filled with an unacceptable number of grammar and spelling errors
• Overwritten and awkward 
• Dotted with static descriptions

That Just About Covers Everything

I've never really seen a rejection that was quite such an impersonal slap in the face.  Helpful, and yet, really not.  I would be confused by it, though I'm sure these are the most common reasons for rejection at most magazines: idea, basic skills, wow-factor.  And yet somehow summing it all up in a form rejection feels cold.  Am I wrong?

One Man's Initials is The Same Man's Book Ends

I particularly like the line about your writing being "not anything I wish to work with at this time."  I'm sure he didn't mean it to sound like that.

Send Me Your Rejections

Though I am a veritable rejection machine, one day I will run out of rejections to post and rejection-related material, and everything there is to be said about rejection will have been said.  I hope I will get my novel published before that time, but mine is not to say.  In the meantime, please send me some rejections to post by emailing me at WriterRejected [at] aol [dot] com.

Coulter is Guilty...Just See the Jacket of Her Book

I heard somewhere once that resentment is like taking poison to harm your enemy, not so efficient.  For that reasons, I personally try not to hate or resent people.  And I do a pretty good job.  There are very, very, very few people I let goad me into a place of disdain.  However, Ann Coulter, is one of those people.  I know it's not politically correct, I know Obama would probably disapprove of such a partisan perspective, but I truly despise her idiotic logic and rabid personality.  Yuck.  Anyway, my little rant aside, here' s a depressing gander at a piece about the books on the current and future NYT Best Seller List.  Hint: It's not good news.

Oh My, My, My, My, My

You knew it had to happen.  And it has.  The person to do it is Naomi Wolf. Remember when she spoke her truth about being a student at Yale in New York Magazine? Well, this is another "Go-Girrrl" moment.  Ecco Press is the publisher. I will surely be a reader.

Seven (Straight) Questions You'd Like to Ask

Though I am not crazy about the design of the hard-to-follow website called @writingraw, I do think it might be of interest. This page, in particular, features interviews with industry people.  The interviews are pretty long and deadly and need some editing, but there might be something there to learn about the process in general, or about a specific agent, if you're interested.  Agents interviewed include folks like Laura Langlie, Donald Maas, Peter Rubie, Andrea Somberg.