Only Radio Static From the Agent

No word. I'm zen. Maybe Monday. How we suffer. Finished last rewrite end of August. Now, nearly November.  Still no word.  There was Frankfurt.  And other things. She's busy. I know.  But will she send it out?  Or send me back for more revisions?  Maybe it's good. Time brings clarity. Novels need to stew. As stated: I'm zen.  Sort of.

The Tyrant Will Not Publish Your Piece

Well, given the name, what did you expect? From now on, inspired by this rejection, I'm going to sign all my emails "Love, Tyrant."

Warrior of My Heart

Strange sentiment, no? "Although we've decided against your work, once upon a time we were interested." I guess the idea is that you'll feel better knowing you weren't just immediately dismissed as a terrible writer out of hand. Is it better or worse knowing that Black Warrior had interest upon opening the envelope, but quickly lost that loving feeling? Also, this is a form rejection, so how sincere could the "it's-not-you-it's-me" excuse really be taken? Not very.

My Crazy Life and Your Too "Poetry Slam-y" Poetry

This rejection came from Dan Tricarico, editor of  LITSNACK, sent to one of our very own mice. I love the casual tone, like a friend taking a little too long to get back to you: "I'm sorry I took so long to respond to these. My life has been crazy. Unfortunately, these aren't working for me. There is some lively writing here, but they come off a little too hip-hop/poetry slam-y for my tastes. Hope you understand." p.s. Does the LitSnack motto make any sense to anyone? Just wondering.

Not Quite Right For Junior High

Found this online. Is it me -- or are the editor's handwritten notes appearing in a younger and younger hand?  This is, like, 8th grade.

Will You Be My Father/Agent And Never Disinherit me?

Tim Seldes is an old-timey gentleman agent. I got a rejection from him too.  I chatted with him once, not knowing that he was an agent, a legend, etc.  He was very nice and sparkly. I kind of wished he could be my father in an embarrassing way that I couldn't entirely repressed, though maybe it was because my father had died so recently and had, as many of you know, cut me (of all his children) out of the will just to be mean. As it turned out, Mr. Seldes ended up being a charming conversationalist, someone I met at a wedding: nothing more, nothing less.

Dear Literary Monkey

If you know the Kenyon Review and its blog, (which for some reason is posting only on Merwin this month) you can help out by taking the survey mentioned above by going here. (Awfully nice of me, since LROD isn't, I notice, even mentioned on KR's blog roll....hmm.) By the way, I love Survey Monkey so much that I'm going to make up an LROD survey for all you mice to give back some feed. (Does anyone want to be on the Survey Monkey Committee?) Please submit survey questions about LROD in the comments section below.  Here are a few to get us started:

1. How many literary rejections can you honestly boast?
2. What's your social security number and mother's maiden name?
3. What's your agent's name?
4. C'mon, we can't all have Binky Urban....what's your real literary agent's name?
5. Do you really have a literary agent; or are you just floating the dream?
6. How many times (a day) do you visit LROD? 

Inspiration Tuesday

• Henry Ford: "Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again."
• Thomas Edison: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
• Mahatma Gandhi: “My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet.”
• Oprah Winfrey: “Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.”

For What It's Worth, There's This Book

Sorry I'm so late to post tonight. Some goober at work was so late on his deadline that he messed up my perfect evening. I had toiled all weekend to make sure that I hit today's EOD (that's ass speak for "end of day," btw) deadline, so I would have part of the day and all of the evening clear.  Get this: Goober sends me an email at 6:15 and asks if he can call me in an hour to discuss the changes that I'll need to make based on the changes he finally got his lazy ass done with! He (and everyone else in the agency) was supposed to get changes to me last night, so I could stay up all night just for, you know, good measure.  Oy.  Sometimes I really hate the other humans; disorganized as goats, they are. That said, here's a book that has nothing to do with this rant, but everything to do with rejection. I don't know if it's any good, but there's a list of these kinds of books over at Laura Resnick's blog. And here's the author's own description of the book:

This is a collection of columns and essays I've written for various publishing trade journals on living and working as a professional novelist. Using anecdotes from my own career and the experiences of dozens of writers who shared their stories with me, the book explores creative and professional strategies and adventures, surviving numerous publishing mishaps, what it's really like to do book signings and public appearances, and many other topics.

Here's the fancy blurb she managed to snag: "Laura Resnick's witty comments on the struggles a writer faces in today's world of publishing are refreshingly insightful. A welcome voice in an often solitary profession." —Jean Auel, author of Clan of the Cave Bear

Pls Cut the Crap

Here are some lesser-known editing symbols for those of you revising your manuscripts on this lovely Monday. Hope they help.

Friday's Child is Full of Larger Scale Connections

This came via email for me from the young minion of an editor-in-chief at a publishing house where the policy is 16-20 weeks to read your precious tome. In case, anyone cares or wants to keep track, it took 9 months, in which time we all could have given birth to human life. Anyhoo, I guess my book didn't wow anybody there. I particularly love the final note that the rejection was sent on behalf of himself....the king. Cracks me up that the court jester, who was probably also the court reader and rejecter, added that little note.  Here's the rejection:

Thank you for sending [Title of a Collection of Published Essays]. After having read it, I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass. I thought you have a good narrative voice and some interesting stories to tell, but I ultimately didn’t feel the larger scale connection readers would need to have with these personal essays to be able to project them onto their own lives. Sorry this didn’t work for me, but thanks again for the look, and best of luck with your writing. Best, Editor In Chief (Sent on his behalf)

It's All Just Peanuts

Just a quick note to let you know Agent 99 is in Frankfurt at the Book Fair, but we have a date to meet at the end of October to discuss state of my novel: whether to work on it more or send it out. It'll be interesting to meet with her in person. I also can't help but think of all the time I could spend working on it now, but, you know, one thing you learn early about publishing is that you have no control over the time-frame, or over anything else for that matter.  So I'm just going to buckle in and go for the ride.  Oh, and, also, I'm starting to talk a lot about the new book that I'd started researching this winter.  I think that one is coming back strong to lift me out of my shoes and give me something to do.  Lucky me.

Just Didn't Grab

Writer Jim avoided all the common problems from the slush pile, according to this annoying form check-off letter. His piece was nicely written with a strong distinct voice with intriguing characters! But it just didn't grab the editor. Hmm? What was the editor expecting? For the story to rise off the page and pinch his ass?  Just wondering.

Creamy Offer (And Not In A Good Way)

Rejecting literary magazines usually have enough sense to separate (at least by stationery pages) their rejection of your work from their bold solicitation of your becoming a subscriber.  Cream City Review (Is it just me, or is that kind of a gross name?) takes the bold step of linking their rejection of your work to the fact that you probably do not know and appreciate their "distinctive literary style," which "cannot be conveyed through a brief description."  (C'mon, really? You can't put it into words?)  Thus leading quickly and in the self-same rejection letter to the conclusion that you need to subscribe immediately to understand the complexity of the literary style in their creamy pages and to have better literary luck getting your story placed there.  Frankly, I think it's a little tacky.

Milkweed Regrets No Time for Personal Response

Nature can be fug!

Milkweed is one of the few small presses that holds a novel contest every year and publishes the winning tome.  I've never submitted my novel; I'm not sure why. I think I must have a bad childhood association to the name of the press. I confess that nature sometimes skeeves me. That said, I do think it's nice of the editors to imagine you standing in your kitchen opening up their envelope and reading the rejection you'd hoped never to see.  There's something homey in that.  Otherwise, just another standard form letter.