Thursday, January 17, 2008

The Ultimate Rejection Letter

The Individual Voice found a nice big rejection present for us at Chaos Matrix. It's not literary, but it is pretty damn funny. It is supposedly real and goes like this:
Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

I think we've all been there.

7 comments:

The Quoibler said...

Now THIS is damn funny! I want to believe it's real, but there's a part of me that thinks it was written, but never sent. Still... it tickled my funnybone on a glum Thursday morning...

Q

Square1 said...

Now if I was in H.R. and received this letter, I would first laugh my butt off, and then fight to get him hired just for having the gumption to do this.

Anonymous said...

http://www.themillionsblog.com/2008/01/art-of-rejection.html#links

you're being discussed here

WriterKat said...

I love that letter. Hilarious! I hope it was real and the guy did get the job.

Reminds me of my marriage. I wouldn't let my husband not marry me. Worked out pretty good. :-)

A Writer said...

My favorite part of that post on the Millions blog is where the person is "saddened" by the "bitterness and wrath here"...and advises W, R to stop blaming the rejecting magazines and start subscribing to them.

Because you should want to say "please, sir, may I have another" by rewarding a journal which has rejected you...with your money?

Am I missing something?

A.W.

TIV: the individual voice said...

I don't think we are bitter or wrathful at all. I think we're all wannabe stand-up comics having one big, hilarious pity-party. WR: keep checking out the comments on my post bestowing your gift. David Rochester tells an amazing story of two book rejections.

iwiLetter.com said...

Rejection Letters can be taken constructively and learned from...or you can use them to win an iPod!

iwiLetter.com's Rejection Letter writing contest is ending January 31st, so don't miss your opportunity to write and submit your best Rejection Letter for your chance to win an 80GB iPod. Submit your letter now at http://www.iwiLetter.com/Rejection.html and live on in Rejection Letter writing infamy. Even if you don't win the iPod, your letter can still be picked to become one of our sample letters for everyone to see and use.

Also, beginning February 1st we'll be running a Love Letter writing contest for all you Lovebirds as Valentine's Day approaches. So keep an eye out for that, and other exciting news, at http://www.iwiLetter.com