Every once in a while when I am catastrophically bored, I will respond to junk mail and subscription requests from journals with this note:
Dear Respected Journal: While [my first and last name] found your offer intriguing, he was not sufficiently taken with the offer to actually subscribe. In these challenging economic times, [my first and last name] is forced to pass on many fine publications, but reserves his subscription budget to those that are actually interested in printing the kind of high quality fiction and evocative poetry that [my first and last name] writes. Good luck with placing this offer with a more suitable client. Sincerely, The Management
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