200 Pages Once A Year....But Not Yours

Ah, college students. How innocent they are. Founding a literary journal at the University of Tennessee and learning to reject at an early age:

Thank you for sending your manuscript to us at Grist via the online submission manager. After careful consideration, we regret that this submission does not meet the editorial needs of the journal at this time. We do hope you will send to us again in the future as we could not publish Grist without the many quality submissions we receive. Although we would like to send an individual response to everyone, the number of manuscripts we receive makes it difficult for editors to respond personally to each submission. Please know that we are devoted to giving each submission to Grist at least three reads and an editor personally reads each submission. We do appreciate your interest in Grist, and the opportunity to consider your work. Thank your for supporting our journal with your writing, reading, and subscribing. Sincerely,____________________.

A Literary Journal For the Mostly Alive

Oy...No kidding that you're killing me:

Hello [Name]: Thank you for considering kill author for your work. Having read "[story]," though there's an interesting idea at the center of the piece, we unfortunately don't think the story as a whole is quite suited to our journal, so we're going to pass on it. We wish you the best of luck with placing this work elsewhere. Do feel free to submit material to us again in the future if you think you have something suitable. Best, kill author

Ploughshares Redux

Let's do a mini retrospective on the esteemed journal. Compare this one to some of the other rejections from Ploughshares through the years:

We regret that your manuscript does not fit our current editorial needs, but we appreciated the opportunity to consider your work. Thanks very much for submitting. Sincerely, The Editors of Ploughshares

zzzzz....huh? Oh, sorry. Anyway, happy weekend, people.

Or They Might Simply Blow Up Your Manuscript

Here's some interesting rejection news from the Left Coast. The article title itself is a riot: Police Explode Briefcase Left for Literary Agent. What do you do when your agent sends your manuscript package to the police who explode it for safety reasons? My favorite line in the article is a quote from the agent: "This guy’s been kind of pestering me to read his stuff." The agent noted that he neither asked for nor wanted the briefcase. (Note to self: Don't pester agent.)

Why Do They Annoy Me So Much?

Is it the exclamation point? The assumption that we're all relative beginners (ain't that the truth)? Or the claim of being overworked (who isn't)?  Could be also that I once had a grouchy run in with one editrix who runs the operation there. I don't know; just don't love them or their train.

---------- Forwarded message from anonymous LROD mouse ----------
From: Glimmertrain
Date:
Subject: Your Submission
To: writer@rejection.com

Dear Writer: Thank you for submitting "Title". While we won't be publishing this piece, we appreciated the opportunity to read your work! Because we read so many stories, it is
not possible for us to give specific feedback, but, if you're a relative beginner, you may find something of interest here.  


Glimmer Train
Press Reference#:XXXXX

And By "Editors," We Mean "Summer Interns"

Dear Writer:

The editors of Esquire appreciated the opportunity to read your work. We’re sorry to tell you that it does not fit our needs at this time. For future submissions, please keep the following in mind:

•Esquire is no longer accepting paper submissions. If you would like to submit a story for publication, please go to Esquiresubmissions.com and do so electronically.

•We want stories that feel especially timely and urgent and speak to current events and the state of the world around us.

•We cannot consider stories longer than 5,000 words.

•We ask that you use 12-point font, double-spaced. Verdana or Times New Roman preferred. Be sure your name, contact information, story title, and word count are at the top of your document and please remember to number your pages.

•Please direct any questions to fictioneditor@hearst.com.

Best,

The Editors

Maybe They're Wrong And You're Right

Just a little continuation from Friday's fun. Remember this: People are wrong all the time. Sometimes the people who reject you are wrong too.

• “I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.” –The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
• “There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” –Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
• “You have buried your novel underneath a heap of details which are well done but utterly superfluous." --Editorial rejection of Flaubert's Madame Bovary, c. 1856
• “Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?” –H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927
• “I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary Cooper.” –Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in “Gone With The Wind.”
• “Everything that can be invented has been invented.” –Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
• “Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.” –Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
• “The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon." –Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873
• “Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.” –Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929

Let Us Now Console Ourselves

Rude Rejection: "The author of this book is beyond psychiatric help." (Crash by J. G. Ballard)

Rude Rejection: "This will set publishing back 25 years." (The Deer Park by Norman Mailer)

Rude Rejection: "Do you realize, young woman, that you're the first American writer ever to poke fun at sex." (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes by Anita Loos)

Rude Rejection: "My dear sir, I have read your manuscript. Oh, my dear sir." (Lady Windermere's Fan by Oscar Wilde)

Rude Rejection: "We found the heroine as boring as her husband did." (Journey Back to Love by Mary Higgins Clark)

Rude Rejection: "It would be extremely rotten taste, to say nothing of being horribly cruel, should we want to publish it." (The Torrents of Spring by Ernest Hemingway)

From Today's MailBag

Sent in by an LROD Mouse:

From: "Boston Review"
Date: Recently To: Anonymouse Subject: Your submission to Boston Review
Dear [name],
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to review "Title." We have given your work close consideration and find that it does not suit our present needs. We wish you success in placing it elsewhere. Thank you for thinking of Boston Review.
Sincerely,
The Editors of Boston Review

I don't know why, but this one feels a little chilly in its mundane approach to the task at hand. Maybe because it's so warm and sunny out today.

Let's All Chillax

I get impatient waiting. I know, I know; I should suck it up and make peace with the fact that waiting is half of a writer's job. Agent 99 has at least very kindly written to say that she's sorry she hasn't gotten to read my revision yet, she's had a crazy month, and my manuscript is on the top of her pile now. Still: tic-tock, tic-tock. I don't know why; what difference does it make if she reads it now or in a month? If she approves of the revision, and takes it on, that means hurry up and wait to see if she can sell it. If she doesn't want to move forward with it, that means a whole new path (i.e., look for a new agent, put it on the shelf, send it to editors, or whatevs). So, let's all just take a big deep breath and live in the moment together. Om....shanti. Let peace and light bathe our hearts, right? I'll do some paid work and write a little bit on my new nonfiction book. Maybe I'll even take a dip in the ocean a little later. As my mother-in-law (who just had a nice visit with us) would say, "What could be bad?"

What Do You Eat While Writing?

Did you guys see this fun stuff on Sunday? I like to eat carrots or celery and peanut butter while writing though a little messy. Or (gluten-free) pretzels and apple juice. You?

On Wishing I Could Quit This Depressing Business

One of the anonymice happened to indicate that s/he had quit writing. Got fed up and gave the whole messy business up.  When I lamented that I wished I could do it to, here was the wise response:

It's not that hard, really. You just have to give up the ego thing.It feels nice to stop jumping through the flaming hoops they set up for you (as if you were a trained poodle in a sideshow). Anyway, after you jump through them they still have some trumped up reason to reject you. Write, if you must. Share your work with friends and others. I sent a story to a friend, she passed it on to her mother, the mother had it read by a reading group she was in. So fifteen people read and discussed it and shared their reactions with me. I haven't submitted it to any magazine. Why bother?

But is it really my ego that's the problem? I think it's that I don't know how to do anything else.  Maybe I am a decent cook; I enjoy concocting something wonderful and creative for friends and family, but I'd never want to do it full time or as a profession.  That would suck the joy right out of it for me.  But, seriously, I can only do one other thing, and that's write. So maybe it's my lack of ego that's the problem. BTW, I've tried quitting before. It never sticks.

How to Hook an Agent

This guy got his novel published by Soft Skull Press after 61 rejections, which he gets to write about in this Huffington Post article. He says you only get one sentence to compel the agent/editor.  He says the formula is: "Show economy. be precise. hook." I like those rules because they are good guides that can be broken, as long as you know you're breaking rules and doing it well.

Electric Tears

Which would you rather have? And does it matter? And if so, why?

A. Dear Writer: We thank you for submitting your story, "Title of Work," to Electric Literature. Unfortunately, it was not chosen for publication at this time. We are committed to publishing short stories by both new and more established writers, and trust that you will consider sending us your best work in the future. Sincerely, Editors 

B. Dear Writer: We admired the prose, its spareness and lovely rhythms, though it did feel as if the narrative momentum were lagging in places, while the story revolves around the one conflict whose resolution never occurs. Not that we need to see what happens, but there needs to be more foreground than only the protag's memories and anticipations. Very compelling point of view, though. 

C. Dear Writer: We regret to say that "Title of Work" was not ultimately selected for publication in Electric Literature, although it did reach the final editorial round of an extremely competitive selection process. Thank you for submitting, Andy & Scott, Editors, Electric Literature, 325 Gold St. Suite 303 Brooklyn, NY 11201 Twitter: @electriclit

(courtesy: rejectionwiki.com)

Feel Free to Riot

Thank you for sending "Title of Story" to Word Riot. We've read it carefully. Unfortunately, we didn't feel it was quite right for us. If you have something else you think is right for our magazine, please feel free to try us again in the future. Sincerely, Word Riot