Oooh! What fun! It's a create your own literary rejection by Anna Richenda. Very futuristic, don't you think?
You just fill in the phrasing with a pull down menu and get to view the final letter! If you like the agent rejection, you'll probably just love the lit mag version too.
Brilliant. Wish I'd thought of it.
1534 Editor Ave
Rejection City, WA 55555
Dear Writer, Rejected:
Enclosed please find a few pages my assistant found in the bathroom. Um....I think they're yours. (Sorry.)
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider your manuscript, but I am unable to offer you representation at this time because, though I loved your novel, that was yesterday. Today I love something else more. (No, I don't have ADD.)
Another reason I must decline to represent you is that your manuscript isn't a variation on some existing bestseller. Can you write a cute animal mystery, please? I'm freaking out, here. In addition, this work is visionary and will likely win the Nobel Prize for Literature--and you know how boring those books are.
A few words of advice. Please don't call and email me a thousand times a day. That's called stalking. In closing, I have filed a restraining order against you, so don't get any ideas.
The very warmest of regards,
Gifford Regnal-Symes
Mailroom Assistant Trainee
Here's one I created:
EZ Literary Agency
Rejection City, WA 55555
Dear Writer, Rejected:
Enclosed please find a few pages my assistant found in the bathroom. Um....I think they're yours. (Sorry.)
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider your manuscript, but I am unable to offer you representation at this time because, though I loved your novel, that was yesterday. Today I love something else more. (No, I don't have ADD.)
Another reason I must decline to represent you is that your manuscript isn't a variation on some existing bestseller. Can you write a cute animal mystery, please? I'm freaking out, here. In addition, this work is visionary and will likely win the Nobel Prize for Literature--and you know how boring those books are.
A few words of advice. Please don't call and email me a thousand times a day. That's called stalking. In closing, I have filed a restraining order against you, so don't get any ideas.
The very warmest of regards,
Gifford Regnal-Symes
Mailroom Assistant Trainee
The only thing it's missing is a pull down menu choice for "alas"!
1 comment:
Heh. Here's the one I cooked up for myself:
=-=
EZ Literary Agency
1534 Editor Ave
Rejection City, WA 55555
Dear Writer:
Enclosed please find your tattered, coffee spilt monstrosity.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider your manuscript, but I am unable to offer you representation despite the fact that I loved it and you are now my idol because, though I loved your novel, frankly, at this point, I'm too busy to know if I really loved it or if I've started to hallucinate.
Another reason I must decline to represent you is that the manuscript is 250,000 words long. If I gave this to an editor for anything but a yule log, she'd cry. In fact, when you gave it to me, I cried. In addition, this work sucks.
A few words of advice. Please don't contact me again until you have a ready platform. So what if your book is great? Frankly, publishers won't pay to promote it unless you're famous. And right now, nobody cares one whit about you. In closing, you should buy my book on how to get an agent, only 13.95 at Amazon.com! (See your SASE for my book flyer and purchase information!)
The very warmest of regards,
Gifford Regnal-Symes
Mailroom Assistant Trainee.
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