Rejected Novels for the Relief Effort

...Or you can send your many voluminous unpublished manuscript to help sop up the flood waters of New England. My favorite line in this funny article is: "St. Stephen has been unable to find a publisher for the tome, and will ship his manuscript in three semi-trailer trucks to a processing plant in Shirley, Mass., where it will be mixed with uneaten fish sticks from the cafeteria at Bernie Carbo Junior High School to give it more substance." Also, the expert from his absorbable novel, "a three-volume family saga in the manner of William Faulkner's Yoknapatawpha County novels," is also pretty funny:

. . . and it was not the knowingness or the beingness between the two who were the issue or the effluvium of their polar opposite forebears who yet shared the sameness and the oneness of the South yes the South with its crape myrtle and Yoo-Hoo Chocolate Soda and lightning bugs even though the drinking fountain yes the drinking fountain at Sonny Tufts Park in Atlanta had been shared yes shared by them illicitly and implictly even though serially and even though one was white and one black.

Kudos to the author, Con Chapman.  He seems like one of us!