Somewhat Intriguing, But Not Really

Last Spring, I submitted 25 pages of my novel to a contest where the perk was to get direct feedback from three readers who are "industry insiders."  Here's a smattering of what I got back:

• There are a lot of unnecessary and misused colons. En dashes were used where em dashes were needed
• This novel will be very difficult to place
• Lots of good detail of the snow, clothing, hair movements, etc
• The first chapter is very long
• The first line is somewhat intriguing, but not really fascinating
• It is definitely original. I saw no cliches
• Writer has a very unique voice
• Main character seems dark, trapped in a horrible world
• I don't see any conflict. The mother is too domineering to allow it.
• The children talked in a manner appropriate for unsupervised, uncared for children of the era.
• Narrative vastly overwhelmed the dialogue.

Do A**holes Ever Fly?

My new all-time favorite rejection.

Help! Someone Knocked Me Down and Stole My Shoes!

Some people have a lot of nerve, ripping off blogs with no shame.  Literary Rejections sprouted up like a weed in 2014 (i.e., the last 11 days), claiming to be the "official website."  Official, my ass. What does that even mean? Official of what? Ah, well, some people are truly full of douchery, am I right? Here's what s/he writes about the :

Giving a Voice to Those Without a Publishing Deal

The quest to be read consumes the life of the writer. Doors too often close in their face. Rejection dangles the temptation to quit before their eyes on a frequent basis. Their prose is silent, as are their voices. Unpublished writers are some of the most dedicated, hardworking, unrewarded creative individuals on the planet. Their stories of rejection, and their journeys to the promised land of a publishing deal, matter. They embody the relentless ambition of a dream. They remind the publishing industry that talent is always knocking on the door. That no matter how many no’s they hear they will never give up. It is not an option. Writing is what makes them who they are. It defines them. This site will give them a voice. Through a series of blog posts, writers from across all genres and countries will be able to share their personal experiences of rejection. This community will help each other, and inspire those about to embark on the arduous journey to print.

BTW, you'll be relieved to know that the site declares it will not charge you any dues to be a member of the site.  Weirdly, it is a hugely extensive undertaking, but its owners ripped off some other ideas and a few of my branding elements, as displayed above. I don't know how I'm going to get behind this grand effort. I'll have to mull it over and get in touch with my more generous self.

Despite a Thousand Rejections

Despite all evidence to the contrary, I was surprised that among the 1,316 prose applicants to the NEA this year, I was not among the 38 chosen.  Those seemed like such reasonable odds to me, and I was surprised at how few had applied and how many had been short listed.  But, alas, it wasn't to be.  I wonder: after so many years rejected, what makes a person go on believing so strongly that each submission is going to end in success?  Any ideas on this, mice? Surely, if anybody has the answer it will be among your legion.

Gone So Long

I have so many rejections to catch you up on.  During my hiatus, I received a number of them, as you might have expected, despite my claims to have quit. I acted as my own agent, sending the book out directly to editors, and got a few to actually read and respond. It was surprising.  (Do we need agents any more?) Also, I submitted the novel to a few contests and got some really crazy feedback, which I will share. Stay tuned for that. Now that my novel is actually going to be published, it's an extra pleasure to post rejections.  Like, for instance, this one, from an imprint at HarperCollins:

Writer, Rejected: I did hear back from [someone billed in an earlier email as a "star editor"] today and did my own reading as well. We both love what you are doing, but in the end, we both agree that [title of novel] isn’t the right fit for us here. Thanks so much, again, for reaching out to us, and I sincerely wish you the best with your future writing. All best, Daisy, Vice President and Publisher, Fiction

Guess the F**** What, People

Dear Mice:
     I am sending this post from an undisclosed location in the desert.* I have been locked away in a bunker with Rosemary Ahern for some time now, revising my novel. She is an amazing editor, just as I imagined. So, I was not lying when I said I was lying that I was going to stop writing entirely. Or to put it in a positive construction: I have been working on the novel this last year without blogging.
     Since my hiatus there have been many more rejections, as you may have guessed. And, just so you know, peeps, I got them all without an agent. I had been sending the book out myself and getting read and rejected all by myself.
     Then, at the very turn of 2014, something wonderful happened. A publisher who wants my book has appeared like a vision from nowhere. My book is going to be published!
     It only took 15 years, but think about it, gentle mice, what the hell else would I have been doing during that time anyway. So congratulate me, and take heart. It seems that publishing still has some breath in it yet.
     I will post some of my more interesting rejections in the meantime, for your reading pleasure.  I am also going to blog the hell out of this publishing experience, so stay tuned.

*Not really; I've just finished watching all 6 seasons of Breaking Bad, so don't believe my dramatics, yo. My novel, however, really has been chosen for publication, bitches. That is not part of the joke.

And Then We Came To The End

Okay, truth out. I didn't really give up writing; it was (yet again) an idle threat. In fact, I reworked my novel and came up with a new structure for my memoir. So, worry not, mice: I will go on (cue disco music). I will publish these suckers if it kills me, and it probably will. Keep your eye out on this blog. I will send up a flare and let you know when my manuscripts get published.

Pep Talk From an LROD Reader*

You shouldn't quit, or even think about it. I get twenty rejections a day. It doesn't mean anything. I write for everyone, and publish more than anyone in this country (quite literally). Also: you don't need an agent. They're the worst. I fire them routinely, when I beat them at their own job and they come in wanting some money for work they never did. (An agent has never gotten me anything--not the NY'er, the Atlantic, ESPN, 150 other places, book deals, nothing). Your book about being disowned (which prompted me to send something to the Love column thing, which was rejected) is a good idea. You can make a go of it. Pitch it up. Write a chapter or two. Share the link to the NYT thing (or just make that into a chapter; would probably take you fifteen minutes). And go straight to editors. Bosses of houses. Why not? Don't fall for what agents say. You can't approach this person, you can't approach that person. That's bollocks, so that they can maintain their parasitic existence. Go right to the EICs and head editors. You'd be surprised at the reaction. Pitch. Pitch pitch pitch. That's a good idea for a book. Really good. I am sure you could get an indie to go for it, and wouldn't be surprised if you got a major to bite, albeit, maybe, with a small advance. But good returns on the book could well lead to a bigger advance for another. Don't give up. Fuck these people. And then fuck the fuck out of them. They're frauds. They don't matter. Not in the long term, and less in the short term than anyone tends to think.

Thoughts?  Is this sage advice?  Let's hear from some industry people and editors out there: What do you think when you get a pitch from an author without an agent?  Does it mean the same thing as it used to? Is it more acceptable these days than it used to be?




*I tried to quit this blog, but now everyone's showing up with important things to share. That's okay. I can ease my way into blog retirement.

New Yorker Rejection Return

I'm not really coming out of retirement, but an LROD reader sent me this rejection, which is personalized and from the New Yorker!  I had to post it. Okay, that's all.  (I'm like Cher with the false retirement announcements, right?) Peace out again:

Dear [Writer's First Name]: We regret that we are unable to use the enclosed material. Many of your images, however, are quite beautiful. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider it. Sincerely, The Editors

THE LONG LROD GOOD-BYE

My Dearest Mice:
     Five years is a long time to go on sheer rejection; we've had a fun time. We've battled nay-sayers, trolls, and literary journal editors. We've talked back to agents and editors and publishers. We had a go at some writers.  Someone even included us in his novel!  They all came around, wanting to be part of this weird blog that got bigger than I ever thought possible.
     Luckily or unluckily, my luck hasn't changed over the past 5 years. I am still mostly getting rejected. To wit, just a few days ago my agent wrote back to say he didn't think the new point-of-view in my novel was working at all. Long and short, on first read, he didn't really like the novel.  That leaves me exactly where?  I'm not sure. But I'm glad I get to share this final rejection with you today.
     And do you know why? Do you know what today is, micycles?
     Today is the last day of Literary Rejections On Display (LROD).
     I'm packing it in for now. I think it is high time to start pursuing a career that leads to acceptance and love, not rejection and snarkiness. Does that mean I will stop being a writer?  Who can say?  I will try to stop being a writer, but it probably won't stick.  I have tried to stop being a writer in the past many times. It is a kind of scare tactic I use on myself when I'm sick of myself, if you know what I mean. But maybe this time it's for real.
   Of course LROD will stay up. You can search the archives in a number of different ways, and if you ever find yourself googling "literary rejection" you will no doubt end up here. I have loved and hated you and this blog and my own rejections, which ultimately led to your rejections getting posted. These days, plenty of writers and bloggers post their own rejections on their own blogs, and I hope the secret shame of getting rejection has been lightened a little by the work we have done together here.
     I do promise and vow to you, though, that if anything significant of mine ever gets published (say, my novel, short-story collection, book of essays, or non-fiction book), I will post the cover here and reveal my true identity, not that it will really matter, but many of you have asked. Until then, know that I am doing my thing elsewhere...whatever and wherever that may be.
     Until then, be nice to one another. There are enough asses in the world already.
     I wish you all the best in everything.
     Peace out, for now.

Agent Attack

Here's a bit of disturbing news. Not sure how to verify it.  I suppose it could be true.

What Does Keep AGNI Fresh?

From: "AGNI" Date: September 4, 2012 Subject: Your submission to AGNI 

Dear Writer's Name: Thank you for sending "Title of Story." Your work received careful consideration here. We've decided this manuscript isn't right for us, but we wish you luck placing it elsewhere. 

Kind regards, The Editors 

P.S. Without submissions like yours, we'd lose the sense of discovery that keeps AGNI fresh. Please click here for a discounted subscription rate offered as a thank-you to our submitters: https://www.bu.edu/agni/subscribe-08sem08.html.

From Horrible to Hopeful

I have been in ye old hospital with a family member all week via ye old emergency room. But since I've been away from LROD all week, a few interesting items have popped up. First: my agent doesn't like my novel.  (Horrible, I know.) Nothing to say.  I love him and I appreciate his honesty.  I also love my novel.  So where does that put me? Second: I am really hoping he likes the new book proposal and chapters of my nonfiction book. (Hopeful.) I will keep you ever posted.

September...and Waiting

Auspices: Literary Rats

Holiday Monday

Happy Labor Day, Rosemary Ahern.  Happy Labor Day, everyone else.